Everyone had a hardy laugh at the NBC’s shot of Jerry Jones getting an underling to wipe his glasses during the season kickoff win against the Giants. We soon found out that said lackey is Jones’ own son-in-law, Shy Anderson. When your name is Shy, you have to get used to doing other people’s menial work. Besides, how else are you gonna fit into the Ol’ Double J’s family unless you get used to doing his bidding.
If anything, Shy shares his father-in-law’s love for unbridled capitalism, because Shy is now going to be marketing customized all-purpose wipes for Cowboys fans who are unsatisfied with their XXXL Cowboys undies being the only team merchandise that gets to touch their anus.
After days of ribbing about the incident, Shy may get the last laugh with a new product that will soon be offered in the Cowboys’ online store.
Shy has designed and ordered some custom eyeglass cleaning cloths with the words “Jerry Wipes” printed on them.
“They can also be used for spontaneous shoe shining, if necessary,” he says with a chuckle.
Is he serious?
“Absolutely,” he says. “It started out as a joke, but let’s see how far we can take it.”
I’d like to believe there’s a motivational sign in Jerral’s office that says “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO EXPLOIT STUPID PEOPLE TODAY?”
Meanwhile, Jerry had this to say: “COME FEBRUARY, THE OL’ DOUBLE J IS GONNA BE DUSTING OFF THAT LOMBARDI TROPHY WITH HIS NAME BRAND WIPES! WE SLAPPED THEM NEW YORK FAGGOTS GOOD! THE GLORY HOLES ARE BACK, BAYBEY! THESE JERRY WIPES CAN CLEAN GLORY HOLES, TOO! THEY ARE EXTRA ABSORBENT! AVAILABLE AT WAL-MART, TARGET AND OTHER FINE RETAILERS! WOOHOOO! WE GONNA SOAK THESE RUBES FOR EVERY CENT, THEN WE SKY F*CKIN’ WITH THE TROPHY! YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW, I AM F*CKIN’ CRAAZZZZAAAYYYYYYY!”