It had been three years since the Carolina Panthers were featured in a primetime game. A young upstart team with designs on relevance, the Panthers seized the opportunity last night, only to immediately let it go because there was a bed that needed to be shat upon.
Carolina was thoroughly decimated in all facets of the game. If the Panthers weren’t prohibitively behind by halftime, rookie returner Joe Adams made sure the result wouldn’t be in doubt for long by coughing up the opening kickoff of the second half. From there, Cam Newtod added a couple more interceptions while not even having the courtesy to put up garbage time stats for fantasy owners late in the game. By the end, it was David Carr vs. Derek Anderson, a clear indication that a game has long ago ceased to be watchable.
In other Panthers news, former running back Stephen Davis was arrested on Thursday for operating a nightclub without a valid business license. Was it revoked because Steve Smith once came in and throttled everyone in site. Probably not, but it’s a pleasing fiction.
Anyway, to the highlights!
As advertised, the Panthers stadium aired a video tribute to Steve Sabol prior to the opening kickoff. NFL Network added a few of their own throughout the broadcast. Since this will be going on all weekend, I can say with confidence that I will be tired of these by the 4 o’clock games on Sunday. That isn’t to say that the league shouldn’t do them. It’s more of a sad commentary on my own short attention span.
I feel like you have to be a college fan to really have a strong opinion about Cam Newton. Since I’m mostly indifferent to the college game, I just find him to be an exciting player. But I still cackled with delight when the replay showed his O SHIT face when Michael Boley broke through the Carolina line untouched and brought Cam down with JPP.
Brad Nessler let us know during 4th quarter deadtime that his Giants teammates call Eli Manning “Easy E.” I feel like I might have heard that tidbit before, but my mind refused to let it register the first time for the sheer shock of cognitive dissonance of Elisha being likened to Easy E even facetiously.
Cam did have one positive highlight amid the sacks and picks. That is an impressive leap. Of course, after Cam scored, he went about his entire elaborate celebration despite the team still being down two scores with a quarter and a half remaining. “BRAZEN GLORY BOYISM!” scolded the scolds.
It’s okay. Cam just took his frustrations out on the end zone camera operators by leading Greg Olsen too far toward the corner of the end zone. Antrel Rolle left the game with a knee laceration suffered when he banged his leg into the camera lens, but X-rays were negative.
A Panthers game is like a hockey game: I feel gypped unless there’s a fight. Specifically a Steve Smith fight. Luckily, he mixed it up with Corey Webster in the first half so I didn’t have to wait too long. Mathias Kiwanuka eventually broke it up. Even though Kiwanuka has about 70 pounds on him, Steve Smith ain’t care. He’ll scrap with you.
Worth noting that the scab refs were better than they were for most of Week 2, which isn’t saying a hell of a lot. The officials still exhibited too little control over the players. Not just the above example. There was another brawl in the second half after a Panthers player ripped the helmet off Martellus Bennett. Bizarre as it may seem, there are scab ref apologists out there and they were beating their chest after this up. Just give until Sunday when a game goes four and half hours and is decided by a scab ref mistake.
STFU, Pete Prisco
Who’s ripping officials tonight? Nobody.
— Pete Prisco (@PriscoCBS) September 21, 2012
Martellus Bennett was once a blog darling with aggressive commitment to social media and offensive YouTube skits. But it seems he has something to contribute to the football world, after all. Marty B became the first player in Giants history with a touchdown in each of his first three games with the team.
Aw, loogit him being all sincere. Gonna need some stereotypes jokes soon, buddy.
Sometimes it takes longer than expected to catch a dream but the run is always worth it when you finally catch it.
— Martellus Bennett (@1987Marty) September 21, 2012
RIP Haruki Nakamura
Based on crowd shots and the very audible CRRUUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZ chants every time Senor Salsa caught the ball, I’d guess the attendace was at the very least half Giants fans. Plus the camera caught this one Panthers fan unawares when he should have been cheering. That’s poor prop hand discipline, bored ACC basketball fan!
Reader Tracy sent in this photo of someone wearing a Clinton Portis-Julius Peppers mash-up jersey where he she was watching the game. That’s not just Peter King weird. That’s actually pretty fucking bizarre.
Why thank you Eddie Murray Sparkles
When Peter King dies, his video montage will be sponsored by Starbucks.
Nice jacket, Nessler. Are you showing a four-bedroom ranch house later on?
He’ll be promoted to Colonel Munnerlyn for that
I’ve got the Chase Sappho card.
Cash back on all lesbian porn.
Small Man on Campus
The ref is literally just standing there going “what the fuck should I do? Those guys are big as fuck.”
They keep having these ad breaks so girls in bikinis can walk by Steve Smith holding up signs announcing what round it is.
Newton’s struggling because he’s never been on the same team for longer than a year.
I gotta admit, for an autist, Eli Manning isn’t that bad of a quarterback.
City of Industry Football Corporation
Where is the iso cam on the chick that gone ran over by Rolle? I imagine she sounded like that woman who fell while grape crushing.