It appears the further adventures of Suspended Sean Payton have included corrective dental work. That’s right, Sean Payton has apparently recently gotten braces, as spotted by Busted Coverage. Kind of a shame that Payton seized on the opportunity of his year-long suspension to get them, as he could have joined the list of people who have sported braces on an NFL field, including but not limited to Brett Favre, Dorsey Levens and the terrifying murder face of Mike Scifres.
— The Panthers fired general manager Marty Hurney. He may be gone, but his proud legacy of investing $176 million on two running backs and a defensive end shall live on, until ACC basketball conference play begins and Carolina fans get distracted.
— Brady Quinn is back, bitches. Quinn has been named starter in Kansas City. There are people who are happy about this. Mind you, because they think he gives the Chiefs a better chance to win. Not because there’s a new opportunity to laugh at Brady Quinn, which I’m fairly stoked about. Also worth noting that the above picture immediately comes up when you Google Brady Quinn. Oh, search engine trolling, you are the best.
— Jim Nantz read off the wrong narrative cue card at the end of Jets-Patriots yesterday and started spouting talking points as though New York had won. Just further evidence that the folks at EA Sports killed him when he recorded his commentary for the latest Madden game and replaced Nantz was faulty A.I.
— Charles Woodson is expected to miss six weeks with a broken collarbone. Thankfully, that means he is slated to be back in time for more smacktalk with Jay Cutler in Week 15.
— Chris Cooley is back, thanks to Fred Davis’ injury on Sunday. White Redskins fans rejoice! Cooley’s mansion in Virginia happens to be on the market, because his divorce necessitates a little more cash infusion that the NFL veteran minimum.
— A video of all 55 touchdowns scored on Sunday, if you’re in the need for some touchdown porn.
— Cardinals defensive end Nick Eason and some people beat the shit out of an old car for breast cancer awareness. I wish I could justify random destruction that way. Take that, cancer! SMASHIE SMASHIE! If you wanna go to the store and infect people, it looks like your stupid cancer ass is gonna be walking!
— Pretty bummed this Saints shimmy video didn’t conclude with this drunk cajun lady falling in the pool.
— The Chargers finally placed kicker Nate Kaeding on injured reserve. They marked the move by posting on the team’s official Facebook page the saddest Kaeding pic ever seen since he shanked all those kicks in the playoff loss to the Jets.