Ian Rapoport is perhaps NFL.com’s most consistently trolltastic writer. It’s not any surprise, since his work was mainly comprised of needless reader provocation while at the Boston Herald. For that reason alone, it’s much appreciated that he was nailed in the face with a football while reporting on the sideline before the kickoff of Sunday Night Football in Houston. Beyond his personal history, there’s a basic elemental joy in seeing people hit in the face and/or groin with a football. It should be incorporated into therapy.
Jets beat the Colts who last week beat the Packers who this week knocked off the Texans who had just beaten the Jets. It’s a big round world
— Tom Rock (@TomRock_Newsday) October 15, 2012
The end of Week 6 is typically the time of a NFL season where the media begins seriously scanning the football landscape for a “favorite” to start hyping for the remainder of the season. By now, the sample size of games is just above miniscule and there have been overlapping common opponents, so pundits feel less bad about making knee-jerk assessments for the rest of the season. Never mind that trying to pick Super Bowl teams in Week 6 is always a terrible idea. How many titles have to be won by teams coming out of the Wild Card round to make that apparent?
Still, a narrative must be spun, must be forever spinning. And so a favorite will be located. Atlanta seems a logical choice, given the Falcons are the only unbeaten team and all, but the Skip Baylesses of the world still have issues with their history of postseason clownfraudiness. Everybody else has at least one regular season letdown to sow concern in the minds of playoff forecasters.
That means it’s another season where analysts gush about parity until they don’t have to anymore. Which is just like it’s been every year that there isn’t a team with Tom Brady or Peyton Manning getting off to a hot start.
All right, enough with the narrative. On to the fun sh*t.
Of course, should the Packers be able to sustain last night’s display of being awesome for a while, surely people will find a way to ignore that their formula for winning is almost entirely dependent on Green Bay’s offense exhibiting superhuman efficiency. They may even roll off a few weeks of crushing people. But Week 6 is not the time you want to start peaking.
But anyway, Aaron Rodgers says shhhhhhhh to the critics. It’s a nice way to show A-Rod got his swagger back. The critics don’t stay shushed for long, especially if you happen to shush them then proceed to drop your first playoff game again.
By the way, Packers fans are frightening creatures.
It seemed for a while that the Redskins were going to continue the weekend theme of DC sports being crushed by teams surrendering huge leads, resulting in defeat most crushing. I was out in the city on Friday evening and happened to walk into a sports bar just as the Cardinals pulled ahead of the Nationals in Game 5 of the Division Series. It was like artisanal anguish crafted by dedicated aficionados. You could slather the pain on bruschetta.
But RGIII saved D.C. fans from a Sunday encore with a the longest quarterback run in 16 years. And he even fond the best spot behind the end zone to get groped by ladies. Well done, sir.
It wasn’t all RGIII heroics that won the day for Warrrrrshington. There was also a notable Ponder derp. There haven’t been quite enough of those so far this season. A welcome sight, indeed.
Niles Paul got in a pretty nasty lick on a punt return. I might keep my browser open to this the rest of the day.
The last few minutes of Cowboys-Ravens really had it all. Dez Bryant redeeming himself with a late touchdown. Then fucking it right back up by dropping the two-point conversion. The Ravens letting the Cowboys recover the onside kick. Baltimore getting flagged for an obvious pass interference penalty, only for their fans’ collective persecution complex leading them to another BULL-SHIT chant like they did for the scab refs. Only the crowd was clearly in the wrong here. The Cowboys, in prime positive to capitalize, killed about 20 seconds of critical clock time standing around looking clueless. Instead of pushing the ball possibly 10 yards closer, Dan Bailey had to settle for a fairly difficult 51-yard attempt from the right hash mark. From the center of the field, it probably would have been good. Except it wasn’t from the center of the field.
There are concerns that Ray Lewis’ season may be over after he suffered what Baltimore fears is a torn triceps injury. Ray-Ray has been a bit of a liability this season, anyway. His departure might actually make the Ravens defense better. Anyway, even though Dallas had little problem running the ball in general against the Ravens, Lewis did get one good stick in on DeMarco Murray, giving ample cause for Brian Billick to fluff his former player.
Also, worth nothing. There might be no worse announcer than Billick when he calls a Ravens game. The homer slurping is endless.
The Raiders posed a serious threat to deposing the Falcons from the ranks of the unbeaten. But then they were, like, “Oh yeah, we’re the Raiders, here’s a late Carson Palmer pick-six.”
The Jets laid out the feel-good Fat Humps. I’ll leave it ESPN to pretend that their ship has been righted and that New York isn’t a maddeningly inconsistent team that can only put together a solid performance at home. In the meantime, I’ll just enjoy Jason Hill’s touchdown dance. The dice at the end was a nice touch.
Wes Welker got himself laid the fuck out in Seattle. It’s okay. All part of being the PERFECT SLOT RECEIVER, according to Dan Fouts. Even if the announcing booth had trouble telling Welker apart from the rest of the Greatriots army of white guys.
Tom Brady threw an interception then bailed the fuck out of the play so nobody would touch his billion dollar commercial mug. Then the play came back his way and he made enough of a half-hearted lunge at the defender to earn plaudits from Dan Fouts. Quarterbacks loving quarterbacks!
While they were, CBS dropped in on Remoteville’s famed fish market so these guys could chuck at a fish at an $80,000 camera. “Sorry, camera bro. That smell isn’t going anywhere for a while.”
Politically, Jay Feely is the anti-Chris Kluwe, in case folks on the right wanted a special teams hero of their own. And special teams hero he was on Sunday, except when he missed a much shorter kick earlier in the game. Still, I’ll hand it to Feely. I thought there was no chance he’d make it when Whisenhunt sent to out to attempt a 61-yarder to tie. He showed me though, nailing it with yardage to spare.
Then he showed me his Berserker Kicker face. Thanks for that.
It’s just a matter of time before the Eagles are forced to bench Vick, to the great rejoicing of the Pennsyljersey populace. Still, it’s gonna be sad not to get two or three of these every week.
That’s not very nice, Nate Burleson. I can’t believe a guy who namechecks his elementary school during player intros would be so immature.
The end of Cowboys-Ravens was awfully derpy, but the most all-around derptastic game of the day was without a doubt Chiefs-Bucs. This blocked punt turned into a Garo Yepremian imitation was the high water mark of the derps.
On the bright side, he’ll get $90+ million from the Broncos in a few years.
I’m sure most of the football watching world made an effort to steer clear of Rams-Dolphins. Apparently we missed an awfully sick catch by Brandon Gibson.
Larry Fitzgerald had a breathtaking snag of his own, even if this one didn’t count, by virtue of being out of bounds. Not that offenses need any more favors from the competition committee, but I will admit to missing the force-out rule when things like this happen.
GREG LITTLE CAUGHT A PASS! GREG LITTLE CAUGHT A PASS! GREG LITTLE CAUGHT A PASS! GREG LITTLE CAUGHT A PASS! GREG LITTLE CAUGHT A PASS! GREG LITTLE CAUGHT A PASS!
He didn’t drop it or tip it to the defense or anything. He was so proud, he wanted everyone to notice. So he got shoved out of bounds and had to awkwardly stumble onto the Gatorade table. YAY GREG!
Such dirty birds, you guys.