The 2013 National Football League Ugly Bowl

11.28.13 4 years ago 31 Comments

uglybowlEvery week, us football fans gather around the TV, sometimes among friends, sometimes on our own, to appreciate the beautiful game we love so much.  We watch feats of superhuman athleticism performed by men who have devoted their lives to becoming living testaments to the amazing things a human body is capable of.  The National Football League is comprised of people who, despite our jeering and sarcasm, are all paragons of athleticism and strength, and each and every player involved in the league deserve our respect for that alone, if nothing else.

But that’s not what this is about.

This is about finding out which NFL player is the ugliest.

Here’s how it will work.  Based on calculations derived by looking at Google Images and laughing at people that look funny, we have elected a single representative from each NFL team.  However, to truly figure out who will win the coveted Ugly Bowl, we’ll have to work together.  Every week, we’ll focus on a divisional matchup and allow you to vote on WHO DA UGLIEST.  Voting will be open for a week, and the winners will advance.  This will all culminate in the 2013 Ugly Bowl, which will match up the ugliest man in the NFC and the ugliest man in the AFC.  In a little bit, we’ll begin with the NFC East matchups: Orton/Henery and Painter/Forbath.  You can find the full list of potential Ugly Bowlers below.

Dallas Cowboys: Kyle Orton
Philadelphia Eagles: Alex Henery
New York Giants: Curtis Painter
Washington Redskins: Kai Forbath
Detroit Lions: Kellen Moore
Chicago Bears: Jay Cutler
Green Bay Packers: BJ Raji
Minnesota Vikings: Jeff Baca
New Orleans Saints: Jimmy Graham
Carolina Panthers: Chase Blackburn (the panthers are actually a pretty attractive team)
Atlanta Falcons: Kevin Cone
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Mike Glennon, obviously
Seattle Seahawks: Jon Ryan
San Francisco 49ers: Lawrence Okoye
Arizona Cardinals: Ryan Lindley
St. Louis Rams: Cortland Finnegan
Buffalo Bills: Frank Summers
Miami Dolphins: Brian Hartline
New England Patriots: James Develin
New York Jets: Nick Folk
Baltimore Ravens: Marshal Yanda
Pittsburgh Steelers: Marcus Gilbert
Cleveland Browns: Brandon Weeden
Cincinnati Bengals: Domata Peko
Houston Texans: Matt Schaub
Indianapolis Colts: Andrew Luck
Jacksonville Jaguars: Chad Henne
Tennessee Titans: Chris Johnson
Denver Broncos: Andre Caldwell
Kansas City Chiefs: Sean McGrath
San Diego Chargers: Danny Woodhead
Oakland Raiders: Sebastian Janikowski

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