Shawne Merriman announced his retirement from the NFL on Tuesday. Sure, it’s another one of those “why now? why not five years ago?” type of deals, but for how fleeting Merriman’s time of being productive in the NFL was, he was indeed a memorable figure. Be it his signature “Lights Out” sack dance, the alleged fights and lawsuits with Tila Tequila, the time he got a Powerade logo shaved into the side of his head, or just the fact that Merriman once swore that he would destroy the elderly and the mentally challenged if that’s what it took to win, Gigantosaur had his moments.
Merriman will also, of course, be recalled for the swiftness of his decline. He went from one of the fiercest pass-rushers in the NFL to a near non-factor within the span of a year. Part of that was injury. Most of that was the elimination of steroids from his system. I will say it was sad to see him hang around for years beyond his usefulness, because it was only really fun to watch him blocked out of a play if fans still thought he was good.
— The Eagles, tired of players eating alone in their car, will reportedly release Nnamdi Asomugha today. Albert Breer said he heard it wasn’t going to happen today, but some other time in the near future, which is a distinction no one cares about.
— Bengals offensive coordinator Jay Gruden said Andy Dalton needs to work on “everything”. Meanwhile, I need to work on Andy Dalton punchlines that don’t rely on his gingerness. Tough work ahead for both of us.
— The 911 tapes have been released from the altercation between Hope Solo and Jerramy Stevens. Between the victims blaming the attacks on “unknown males” and the random appearance of a stun gun on the premises, it figures to be an ever-developing sh*tshow of a case.
— In the feature about Roger Goodell in that new issue of SI with the Game of Thrones cover, The Rog says he’s “terrified” that a player will die on an NFL field. To that end, he’s already instituted a lifetime ban on Austin Collie.
— Vince Young is going to work out for NFL scouts at the University of Texas pro day, presumably hoping to lure the Titans into blowing another first-round pick on him.
— BECAUSE OFF-SEASON: Australian news reporter gets face-humped on location. I don’t think I would have taken that so well.