Darnell Sanders is a former tight end who played in the NFL for three unexceptional seasons. That’s nice because it makes a hilariously stupid video at least tangentially relevant to this site. Anyway, Sanders is trying to qualify for the CrossFit Games and made this video to announce himself as the fittest man on Earth, so long as you disqualify a bunch of exercises that he sucks at. BULEEEE DAT!
— Dustin Colquitt and Dwayne Bowe were locked down with big contracts by the Chiefs. With as many punts that the Alex Smith to Bowe connection will produce, it’s important to have a skilled punter on hand.
— Chris Culliver met with a LGBT crisis and suicide prevention support group this week, as part of an off-season-long commitment to getting back in good standing with the gays.
— Doopy Pantz is working on his mechanics with Chris Weinke, who is a director at a prestigious training academy, but is still Chris Weinke, so I’m laughing.
— Florio got into a pitched Twitter fight with NFL PR man Greg Aiello about why Lauren Silberman was allowed to take part in a regional combine, not because she is a lady but because she’s not especially qualified for a tryout. Long story short: Aiello goes back on a previous position and even when Florio is in the right he comes off like a jackass.
— Ed Reed sang “Two Tickets to Paradise” throughout the Ravens Super Bowl run and yesterday finally got to do a duet with Eddie Money. Shocking that Eddie Money was available for that, or anything, at any time. He’ll let you pay to watch Tiki Barber plow him.
— John Lewis and Eleanor Holmes Norton are pushing for the Redskins to change their name. Because if there’s anyone who gets results, it’s a non-voting member of Congress.
— The Jets are dropping vague hints at keeping Tebow beyond this month because they enjoy tormenting their fans, obviously.
— Matt Ryan’s new contract will be even more super elite than Joe Flacco’s, which in turn will only cause the media to refer to Matt Ryan as double clownfraudy since he hasn’t won a Super Bowl.