For a lot of NFL reporters, the post-draft lull is a dark, depressing time filled with fluff pieces and human interest stories, as there’s only so much Titus Young to go around. Fortunately for Pro Football Talk, Mike Florio is journalism’s one true 5-tool star who has passed the bar, and he knows just how to keep his readers coming back for more during the NFL’s downtime.
You see, while worthless bloggers like me and my colleagues just make our stupid, childish jokes and beg for attention, Florio has managed to perfect his unique brand of actual reporting mixed with hilarious topical humor. He’s like Bill Engvall with a law degree, folks. And yesterday, in a story about a bank robber wearing a New York Jets jersey, ol’ Mikey gave us front row seats to a little something that I like to call Mike Florio’s Comedy Jam.
The suspect has been linked to an April 12 bank robbery. That makes him three for six in bank robbery attempts.
The suspect reportedly is 25. Coincidentally, former Jets quarterback Tim Tebow is 25. Apart from the fact that likely he has an iron-clad alibi, an accuracy rate of 50 percent is way too high for him.
Okay, that joke deserves a mini-GIF dance party:
But the only problem is that Mikey kind of ruined his own joke.
And, yes, I wrote this blurb for the sole purpose of making that lame joke.
Dude, Mike, you’re never gonna make it in this comedy blogging game if you tell your audience that it’s a “lame joke”. You’ve gotta be confident like – “Y’all ever notice how white running backs be like, ‘Excuse me, I’d like to get through here, please’ but black running backs be like, ‘Yo I know you ain’t blockin’ that end zone, right?’ FLORIOH NO I DIDN’T!” Go ahead and keep that catch phrase, you’ve earned it, kid.