One of the best things to happen in league circles recently has been taking the handcuffs off Mike Mayock. He’s a star just waiting for a civilization intelligent enough to discover him, and he’s making his presence known with his cool “Mayockisms” which are like Hoge-Gasms on qualudes. Heres some actual Mayockisms and their definitions from games over the past two seasons:
Burp the Baby: Either a QB taps the ball too long and a hands-first CB jumps the route, or the contents of a Doctors note excusing P-Nut Tillman from a playoff game
Good in a Phone Booth: no idea what this means but got to assume hes talking about a QB who can find the receiver?
Junk in the Trunk: Mayock likes to stay current on 1997 hip-hop culture when talking about Kevin Boothes padlevel. Looking forward to his adding “skeet skeet skeet” to his arsenal in 2036 to talk about Reagan Mannings 9 TD debut
Threw it Short on Purpose: When you’ve got a QB like Tom Brady you can underthrow a receiver by 10 yards because you’ve earned it. This is like when you get herpes on purpose or when you have your wife secretly cheat on you on you with your Dad on purpose for 6 years= if you’ve got 3 rings you get the benefit of the doubt.
Football Act: When your trying to determine if its a catch the following are technicaly football acts
- Danny Woodheads heartbeat
- Accidently hitting the dog with your remote when you throw it because the announcers such a stupid homer
- Calling in sick on Tuesday morning
- Returning a bigscreen TV on February 7th
- Looking the safety off so you can cuss out your rookie undrafted WR
- Aaron Brookses whole career really
- Beating your girlfriend or not signing a authograph
Guy from the Old Neighborhood: White guy. It just means he’s a White and you should feel comfortable shareing a cab with him or something
Buffet Sneeze Guard: The custom windscreen Mayock uses on his microphone
Im sure Ive missed some Mayockisms he usualy breaks them out later on in a game because whatever stupid graphic they prepare ahead of time is for something so specific it usualy never happens in a game so they have to shoehorn it in before the games over,,, and if you know me thats when Im typicaly 2.5 habernero lime-a-rita Maddogs deep. But let me know any you’ve seen any I missed.