Peyton! Peyton! I know you have trouble in the Super Game so I though I’d give you some little bro pointers about playing in Snoopy Stadium even though you played there in September and beat me pretty bad. I still want you to know that was kinda mean but mom said I should help you out anyways. It’s different when it gets all burrrrrrrr-y outside. If you’re not careful, the wind will make you throw five interceptdowns like I did when we played the Neon Birds. Everybody knows that birds use wind and magic to fly, so without my advice, you’re a goner for sure.
The first thing you gotta know is the wind is invisible, like ghosts or cell phone conversations flying through the air. Even if you use a flashlight, you can’t see it. But when it’s cold, if you breathe hard, you can see the wind! It looks like mini mouth clouds! It was my science fair project in 12th grade. “How To Make Mouth Clouds Outside” I got a nice participation ribbon so you know I know lots.
Here are some other things you need to know about cold and wind and Snoopy Stadium and being a winner:
Mother Nature is NOT Momma Manning. I ask mom to make the wind go away and she said she can’t. We both know that mom does not fib.
Don’t offer the nice girls dancing on the sidelines your blankey even if it’s cold out. It’s YOUR blankey.
If you have an umbrella, the wind can make you fly but the NFL says that’s not allowed on the field.
Keep your sideline drawings in a secure Trapper Keeper or they’ll blow all over the place and boy you’ll look like a dweeb! I learned that the hard way.
Make sure to fly a kite during warmups. It’s a good way to see the wind direction plus it’s crazy fun.
Finally, c’mon Peyton, you don’t need to win. I had to hear so much this year that you’re so great and I’m just Eli. Let me have this one thing, huh? Quit being a big wins hog!