Did you get through all 10688 words of The Great Chili Super Bowl Roundtable of 2014 yesterday? Excellent. As many of you noted, it was quite an eye-opening discussion about chili for amateurs and chili veterans alike. To be honest, if we had the time we would have argued over toppings and heat for another ten thousand words.
But what’s the fun in debating when there is actual chili to be made for this weekend for the Super Bowl. The whole point of this exercise, for me at least, was to add more recipes and techniques to my chili repertoire. You guys have already seen my White Chicken Chili (Balls of Steel is my favorite Kommenter for saying my chili is better than Magary’s, as is everyone else who praised its glory), my Chicken Mole Chili Frito Pie, Poblano White Bean Chili, and even my vegan-friendly Lentil Beer Chili. What do other people do when they make chili? Why am I stuck making chicken and vegetable chili when I could be using so much more meat? Obviously I’m not worried about health, I posted a recipe for Chicken Fried Bacon last week. Was fear holding me back? Lack of recipes?
Well, that’s no longer a problem as I now have twelve new chili recipes to try. (Actually eleven, as I made Rob Iracane’s chili last weekend for the Pro Bowl to great success.)
Today we welcome back the majority yesterday’s panel of experts and their chili recipes; Willie’s Chili by Old James, RobotsFightingDinosaurs’s Chipotle Chocolate Stout Chili, Het Het Beef Chili con Carne with Meat from Fesser, Jeb Lund’s “Is Lorde Problematic?” Chili, Albert Burneko’s Red Chicken Chili, FILM CRIT HULK’S CHILI, Unsilent’s Great F*cking Chili, Andrea Hangst’s Standard American Chili, Stephanie’s (Mrs. Flubby) White Chicken Chili, Beef and Black Bean Chili perfected by Rob Iracane, Ted Berg’s Good Chili and lastly, Chris Mueller’s Polish Pistol Whip Chili.
So enough talking about chili, let’s actually make some chili this weekend for the Super Bowl.
1 pound ground beef chuck
1 pound Italian sausage (spicy)
1 10 oz. tube of chorizo
2 28 oz. cans of diced tomatoes
3 15 oz. cans of chili beans (mild) – drained
1 15 oz. can of chili beans (hot/spicy) – leave in the spicy juice goodness
1 6 oz. can of tomato paste
1 large yellow onion, chopped
2 jalapeño peppers, seeded and chopped
1 dried chipotle chile, seeded and chopped
1 tablespoon of bacon bits
4 beef bouillon cubes
½ cup of strongly brewed coffee
¼ cup of store bought chili powder*
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon liquid smoke
4 cloves of garlic, minced
1 tablespoon dried oregano
2 teaspoons ground cumin
2 teaspoons** hot pepper sauce***
1 teaspoon dried basil
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon white sugar
1 teaspoon bacon salt (optional, but certainly recommended if you have it)
Optional (but suggested):
Shredded extra sharp cheddar cheese
First, the disclaimers:
[EDIT – This chili powder recipe is via Alton Brown. This is Old James telling of creating it it and adding it to his chili. – ss]
*Store bought chili powder is way easier. But it’s cheating. Plus, creating your own chili powder is one of the most fulfilling parts of the chili making process. I make the following, but if you go this route I HIGHLY recommend taking the dosage down to 2 tablespoons (instead of 1/4 cup), then adding to your chili as you see fit. Because it turns out arbol chiles are hot as fuck.
Also recommended if you’re slicing/seeding chiles: WEARING RUBBER GLOVES. I can’t stress this enough.
3 dried arbol chiles, seeded and sliced into strips
3 dried ancho chiles, seeded and sliced into strips
3 dried cascabel chiles, seeded and sliced into strips
2 tablespoons cumin seeds
2 tablespoons garlic powder
1 tablespoon smoked paprika
1 tablespoon dried oregano
Heat a pan to medium-high heat and throw in the sliced, seeded chiles and cumin seeds. Cook for about 5 minutes, tossing frequently, until it starts to smell a little like burnt chili. Pull off heat and let cool, then throw in a blender along with the garlic, paprika and oregano. Process until you’ve got a powder. Then DO NOT open the blender and take a huge whiff to see how spicy it is. It’s spicy. Just trust me.
**It’s hot sauce. Just grab your favorite kind(s) and wing it. You know how much you want.
***I use a combo of Frank’s, Tabasco and Cholula, if you wanna roll like Old James.
****WTF? Guacamole? ON CHILI? That’s right. Sounds crazy, but believe me: it’s glorious. If you don’t have guac, someone at your Super Bowl shindig will probably bring some. If possible, insist they make the homemade stuff. Dean’s sells a tub labeled “guacamole”, but I’m pretty sure it’s just expired tapioca pudding.
Got it? Good. Now let’s make some chili.
1. Dump all your meat in a large bowl, with the chopped jalapeños, sprinkle some salt and pepper on top (and maybe a little barbecue rub, which I do, since I’m from KC and don’t know any better) and mash it all together with your paws. You should be left with a big glob of meat. (Image 3, above) Cover, and put in the fridge for about an hour. This is a good time to make your chili powder. And your guac, if you’re ambitious. Or nap, if you’re lazy.
2. After the meat has marinated for about an hour, throw it all in a big pot over medium-high heat and brown until it’s good and crumbled. Drain. (Image 4, above)
3. Throw the cooked meat stuffs in a large crock pot. Pour in the diced tomatoes, drained beans, beans left in the sauce, and tomato paste. Stir it up a bit and set the crock pot to ‘hot’. Add the onion, chipotle chile, bacon bits, bouillon, coffee, chili powder, Worcestershire, liquid smoke, garlic, oregano, cumin, hot sauce, basil, salt, pepper, cayenne pepper, sugar and bacon salt. Stir until everything’s good and mixed together, cover, and leave the crock pot on ‘hot’ for about an hour, but you’ll want to come back and check/stir every so often.
4. Taste your chili goodness. If it’s deemed acceptable, stir it up again and repeat the cook/stir process on ‘hot’ for another hour. If it isn’t spicy enough, or lacks the bold flavors you crave, add in more chili powder and hot sauce, or salt/pepper until you deem fit. Then cook/stir on ‘hot’ for another hour.
5. You’re done simmering. Turn crock pot down a notch or two, just enough to keep the chili warm during the game. Engage taste buds.
6. BOWL THAT SHIT. (Image 5, above)
7. Take a taste. Relish in your accomplishment. For you have created chili, and chili is good.
8. Add toppings (Fritos, cheese and guac). (Image 6, above)
9. Consume chili.
10. Consume more chili.
11. Die happy.
12. FYI non-bachelors you’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight.