The NFL is the gift that keeps on giving, I feel like a Cornerback in a Andy Dalton store folks. This Wildcard weekend was one for the ages and In My Opinion, it had mostly to do with REAL Football Weather. Some people think Goodell should of thought about cancelling the game in Green Bay if the temperature had dipped below 0,, like it wouldnt be a honor for a Lambeau fan to die out there in the elements willing his team to victory. I bet Green Bay police wouldnt even remove his body from the stadium, he’d just get to sit in his seat shirtless until the end of time being the Ice-man Ed of Wisconsin, or until his body defrosted from too many Lambeau Ladies trying to take advantage of his padlevel rigor mortis. Thats how I want to go folks. However, there was one dark stain on the weekends cold weather festivties, and that was Colin Kaepernicks shameful display of spotlight stealing and fame-whoring.
Thats right, like numerous students of the game pointed out yesterday, “Dolphins Cap-ernick” made a mockery of the NFLs proud tradition of players pretending there not cold for some reason, and went sleeveless ONLY to show off his tattoos, tearing off one sleeve to expose a nother. He admitted as much in a postgame press conference even. I questioned Frank Gores motivations for going sleeveless given that it wouldnt be the first time a Gore has tried to make everyone think its warmer than it really is. And sure enough his runningmate Kaepernick was getting in on the action.
And it makes sense doesnt it? I mean the guy whose got NWA lyrics all up and down his tripceps couldnt resist the idea of getting Ice Cube a little more screentime on this frigid Sunday. Some of you will be quick to point out that there are a few Bible verses on his arms sprinkled in, but I’ll bet you bitcoins to biscuits that he only uses verses that rhyme. Rapperneck is a hip-hop QB and the NFL is a rock’n’roll league, something he’s gong to learn the hard way when Motorheart Luke Keuchley shows him the “Ace of Spades” hes got up HIS sleeve.
So I propose that the league enact its OWN 2nd Amendment to preserve the right to bare arms for its land-owning male citizens under the right circumstances. This is a right that needs to be protected and defensed at all costs. Heres my rules on when it is ok for a NFL player to go sleeveless if the weather is below 32 degrees:
- If you play with your hand in the dirt (Offense and Defense of Linemen)
- If your in the NFC North
- If you were in ROTC in High School
- If your a backup trying to show coach your ready (Woodhead clause)
- A Head Coach trying to set a edge for his team
- If you tear it off with your teeth after a play like literally a animal
- If your bleeding and you want to show off the cut thats ok, but you have to pretend like you dont know your bleeding and then punch anyone who points it out to you and then say “I aint got time to bleed.”