While the football world is all hot and bothered about celebratory goalpost dunks being banned by the NFL, individual teams are doing their part to stamp out fun from football as well. With the 49ers set to open Levi’s Stadium in the fall, local police are laying out the things fans aren’t allowed to do in and around the stadium. While most are the standard “don’t stab people” and “maybe don’t pee in the aisles” sort of thing, there are a few novel additions that make the idea of attending an NFL game that much more of a overly mannered, joyless experience:
The Santa Clara Police Department has laid out a new set of laws, set to be passed by the City Council Tuesday night, for what 49ers fans can’t do at the $1.3 billion stadium, which comes with its own jail and will be patrolled by more than 100 cops from around the Bay Area.
The following acts are prohibited for fans in stadium parking lots and other areas just outside the stadium
No “vehicle training,” playing sports — including football — bicycling or skateboarding in the parking lots
No music or any noise that can be heard from more than 50 feet away
No lingering in parking lots during specific events in which officials close the lots during the events
No selling food, drinks or anything else unless you’re an authorized business, and no seeking employment or begging for money
No beer kegs. No glass containers unless it’s for prescribed medication
The banning of glass containers is understandable. But banning those harmful footballs being thrown among fans at tailgate? That seems excessively restrictive, even by NFL standards. Turns out it was games of catch and not stabbings that were the real menace at Candlestick in its last few years. Though kudos for the throwback law of banning skateboarding. That should take Niners fans back to the glory years of 1988.
Oh, and one of the rules dictates that in addition to no throwing football, there’s a ban on “making things airborne” so midget toss is definitely a no-no that they saw coming.