First name: Ha’Sean
Last name: Clinton-Dix
Current nickname: Ha Ha
Old nickname: LOL
Future nickname: [laughing emoticon]
How to remember his name: Imagine laughing at Bill Clinton’s penis.
Weight: 208 lbs
Position: Free safety
College: Roll damn laughter
High school: Dr. Phillips High School in, home of the strangest logo in central Florida.
Other famous alumni: Joey Fatone, Wayne Brady, Eddie Huang and A.J. Pierzynski
Where do I know that group of people from? The dinner party you attended in your nightmares.
40 yard dash: 4.58
What his Twitter bio tells us: Glory be to God
What his tweets tell us: He is the most boring follow on all of Twitter.
Examples? Here are my five favorite Ha Ha-isms…
5. “Can’t find my wallet”
3. “Doing to MUCH”
2. “New phone”
1. “I need to get up”
That’s performance art.
Who he follows: A bunch of boring ass people.
Not entirely song that accompanies his YouTube highlight video: “Put On”
Potential Berman nicknames: [Tries to laugh but sounds like Tim Allen’s grunts]
Random shit that shows up in his Google Image Search: This guy, who rode a bull named Ha Ha Clinton-Dix to victory at some bull riding…match? No, that can’t be right.
He must also be scared of horses comparison: Eric Berry
Strengths: Coverage and tackling
Weaknesses: Not Sean Taylor
Red Flag: You kind of have to be an asshole if you drive a Dodge Charger with custom paint, right?
Coveted by: St. Louis. The one picking 13th, not second.
Where he’ll go: To Oakland, way too early after Reggie McKenzie misunderstands Mark Davis unrelated chuckles.
What Nolan Nawrocki is saying: Something about ironing out his petal, which sounds like a euphemism a shy teenage girl would use to describe masturbation.
Impact: Starts as a rookie, loses his signing bonus due to a poor investment in a comedy club bearing his name.