After spending the last two years trying with no avail to make it as a big-city starting quarterback in Seattle in Oakland, Matt Flynn has accepted his fate as Aaron Rodgers Backup For Life. After washing out with the Seahawks and Raiders, it became readily evident that Flynn was only competent when playing in Green Bay, and would have no choice but to spend his life holding clipboards, and playing meaningless week 17 games after Green Bay’s playoff seed is set, where he’ll put up inflated numbers that won’t fool anyone this time.
After leaving Green Bay with such optimism in 2012 – and returning because they blew through three quarterbacks and were the only team take him back after he stunk up the joint in Oakland – Flynn is here forever. Whether he actually he had crawl through a doggie door into Ted Thompson’s office in order to negotiate his new contract remains to be seen, but the dude is definitely stuck in the football equivalent of Sector 7G for the rest of his life. Just as Homer’s dream of working in a bowling alley were destroyed by the birth of Maggie Simpson, Matt Flynn’s dreams of starting in the NFL were ruined by the existence of Russell Wilson. And Terrelle Pryor. And Thad Lewis, sort of.
Despite his dreams of making it as a starter, Flynn insists he is totally happy where he is. “No, really, I think it’s great,” said Flynn, as Death Cab For Cutie’s “The Sound Of Settling” played in the background for the seventh time in a row. “Really, I mean, I love the fans, I love Aaron, I love Coach McCathy, what more could a guy ask for,” Flynn said with deeply uncomfortable laughter. He then took what could only be described as an heroic gulp from the bottle of McCormick Gin that never left his side during our interview.
Our time with Flynn was cut short, because, as he put it, he had “a date with a bottle of Xanax and the extended director’s cut of Revolutionary Road.”