Well, well, well Michael Sam was getting his own reality show. But now he’s not. The PC Police is at it again making sure that the only thing there shoving down our throats more then their values is footage that they made me record of Michael Sam and his boyfriend kissing out. Not only is that racist against those of us who havent had a real kiss in awhile, its also damaging to our nations youths. How am I suppose to explain to strangers kids I meet at a Ruby Tuesdays on NFL Sunday why two guys were kissing on there TV and also downloaded on my phone that Im showing them?
As you all may know, I have some pretty deep connections with Hollywood America. Some of my friends there actualy have the script for Michael Sams reality show which I am publishing in its entirety here to show you just how they were planning on indoctrinating are children. WARNING- some parts might be uncomfortable to read if your straight, since you might get turned gay by accidentally forgetting that your straight.
Anyways I wanted to share it with you on account of the fact that its written to promote the homosexual agenda which MAKE NO MISTAKE is a very real thing that is real and true. Be warned,, you might not like what you see if your a patriot or a Patriot.
EPISODE TITLE “MICHAEL SMH”
Every year dozen’s of NFL franchises lose way more games then they win and dont make the playoffs. Some franchises have never even won a Superbowl and because they just suck all up to high heaven and everything, they get to be in danger of getting closed down and moved to LA. The St. Louis Rams are one such franchise.
The Rams have been in St Louis for I dont know like 20 years or whatever because they moved away from Los Angeles and back to REAL america- Missouri. Things got of to a great start when they were led to the Superbowl by bluecollar grocery store employee and Bible-believer Kurt Warner. But over the past 15 years the Rams really havent accomplished anything besides drafting one good player every 5 years that made you sad that they had to play on the Rams. They were, at one point, literally coached by Jim Haslett.
Missouri is a city where Americans appreciate things like a player who knows his role and dosent make a big fussy flash everytime they do there job. Chris Long is a player like this. Hes humble, hardworking, a coaches son probably, and smart. However things have started to go in a diffrent direction recently. The only thing longer then the Rams streak of seasons without making the playoffs is the dreadlocks on every single running back that theyve had since 2005. Recently they even drafted the leagues first gay player which just makes me Shake My Head not that Im homophobic or anything I just dont feel comfortable knowing that someones Gay.
After lounging in the basement of the NFC west the past 4 years, the Rams are in danger of being lost again to the liberal flashy city of California. In a desperation move and realizing that times running out, Head Coach Jeff Fisher decided it was time to bust open the books and make a call to expert turn-around expert, and expert on lockerrom science John Taffer to identify the source of the teams problems.
— Jon Taffer (@jontaffer) May 15, 2014
Taffer: Ive been called in to help the Rams become a winning team again. Football is a mans game, and I need to know that there all real men out here. I hired my good friend Scott Pioli to install securty cameras around the Rams workout facilties so that I can conduct surveillence and determine exactly whats going on around here and how I can make the Rams a better football team. I think Ive pinpointed the issues and its a lockeroom distraction name Michael Sam. Lets see what I caught in the lockerroom.
Theres like 10 naked guys showering and putting soap on there bodies. Its so gross.
Michael Sam: Boy that was a hard practice today IMO.
TAFFER TURNS THE TAPE OFF
Taffer: GROSS! Hes talking in the shower where your suppose to be making fun of like the size of your teammates nipples!! SHUT IT DOWN IVE SEEN ENOUGH!!! Look at that sexual harrasment. Its allmost like hes going out of his way to not play grabass and slapdick. Ive never seen this type behavior in a NFL lockeroom. Its time to sit down with these guys and fine out exactly whats going on here.
John Taffer meets with Jeff Fisher, Michael Sam, and Stan Kroenke (the job creator/owner). He plays the shower tape.
Taffer: Mr Kroenke you own this club. How much money are you losing?
Kroenke: (pulls out a hankerchief except its a $100 bill and fires a snotrocket right down President Franklins cheek) I cant tell you exactly how much money Im losing but when your not making as much money as you want- thats technically losing money.
Taffer: Thats right. And do you think that having employes like this making small talk and not whipping each other with towels and not talcum powdering there privates vigorously in the showers in front of female reporters is going to help your business?
Kroenke: Im uncomfortable with it. Did you see the video were he kissed his boyfriend? That made me uncomfortbale. Here let me take another look at the shower scene.
Taffer: Mike what do you half to say for yourself?
Michael Sam: I jus-
Taffer: DO YOU THINK THIS IS EXCEPTABLE? IN ALL MY YEARS IN LOCKEROOMS I HAVE NEVER SEEN PERSON ACT MORE SUSPICOUSLY NORMAL THAN YOU JUST NOW. Fortunatley Ive got some of the top minds in the business to show you how to build a winning NFL team. I brought my friend and team building expert Richie Incognito from the Miami Dolphins in to help demonstrate apropriate locker room behavior. Richie?
Incognito: (entier sentence redacted for questionable content) See the thing is your going to want to make as many Gay jokes in the showers as possible you fuck headed fucker. The more times you talk about fuckin jokes about you and your friends being gay, and about gay stuff youd do to them if you were gay, the less likely it is that they think your actually trying to be Gay with them. Here Im going to walk passed you and I want you to slap my butt in the straightest way you can.
Michael Sam: Im a little uncomfo-
Incognito: SLAP MY ASS! He wont slap my ass John. How gay is this guy?!
Taffer: Im a expert in butt science. Slap the mans ass.
Michael Sam: Im not going to do that.
Taffer: You see Mr Fisher and Mr Kroenke? Hes a distraction. Not a team player. Is this the type guy you want on your team? A guy player whose not even going to touch your teammates butts in the shower?
Fisher: Well I want to give him one more shot.
Taffer: Ok but I dont want to put MY reputaton on the line because youve got a loose cannon whose going to get you sued for sexual harrassment for not acting gay enough in the showers.
(10 minute long commercal break)
Taffer: Miachel your lucky that youve got a coach who cares so much about you because I would of fired your ass. You need to show me that youve got what it takes to be a teamplayer. Thats why Im bringing in my championship and success consultent A.J. McCarron who will show you how to not be a distraction.
AJ McCarron walks in with his own camera crew.
AJ: Hey Y’all heard y;’all needed some help with y’alls winnin.
Taffer: AJ McCarron is one of the most sucessful college quaterbacks of all time. He won almost like every game he played in especially during the years when he had Eddie Lacy and Trent Richardson playing runningback.
AJ: Thas rahte.
Michael Sam: I dont think I need to-
(Serously another 10 minute long commercial break. This shows a hour long and only like 20 mins of real content. Absolutely getting crushed in the Time of Possesion battle)
Taffer: While you were Walking up to practice the other day I had AJ help me out with a little reconnaisaince.
AJ: Roll tide,, ah mean roll tape.
Taffer: I had AJs lovely fiance Kathrine Webb walk through the Rams lockeroom posing as a reporter.
The survellence tape is playing and Kathrine Webb (former Miss Alabama which is a really tough position to win since you have to masterfully dominate categories such as “having teeth in positions where its possible for you to floss them” and “shovel throwing”) is strutting her stuff in the lockeroom. Shes basically demanding that all the players yell at her since shes wearing a shirt where you can see that she has breasts under her shirt. Shes also showing off her butt by not sitting down.
Tavon Austin: Dammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (breathes) mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn girl.
Greg Zerline: You wanna see why they call me LEGatron? (grabs crotch)
Cortland Finnegan: (Just happens to be walking through to pick up his last check literaly starts humping her leg and she doesnt even fight that hard really to get him off her almost like shes enjoying it)
Michael Sam: Hey guy’s knock it off
TAFFER CUTS THE TAPE OFF
John Taffer: SHUT IT DOWN!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE MICHAEL. YOUR BEING A DISTRACTON AGAIN. YOU STICK OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB AND YOUR GOING TO GET YOUR TEAM IN TROUBLE!!! IVE BEEN IN LOCKEROOMS IN ATTLEBOROUGH STATE PRISONS THAT SHOW MORE RESPECT THEN YOU. HOW CAN YOU LOOK YOUR TEAMMATES IN EYES? YOU SICKEN ME.
Fisher: (crying) I just,, I had no idea its gotten this bad.
John Taffer: So what are you goign to do about it?!!
Fisher: I just. I gotta let you go Mike.
Michael Sam: This is literaly unbelevable.
Fisher: Your too much of a distractoin.
AJ: Now wayt jus a minnit here. (tosses in a nother huge lip. He’s kindve a dip fiend just really into the overall dipping culture) I jus wanna say how disgusting it is youd put your lips on another mans lips. (swallows his dip spit because hes a real man) Your not a winner and your never goign to be a winner like me, AJ McCarron.
Sams had just about enough of this and he kicks AJ McCarron so hard in his balls that he bends over so far that he throws up into his own butt. AJ McCarron has dipspit trickling out his butt.
Michael Sam: Im the SEC champion AJ.
John Taffer: I love it Mike. I love that passion! Your really showing me something today you know that?! believe you can do this Michael,, as long as you act like a normal guy like Richie Incognito in the locekroom and sexaully harrass every woman you see, your not going to be a distraction at all.
Mr. Kroenke, Mr. Fisher, my work here is done. Enjoy your new team.