Included in the Jaguars’ fancy new stadium renovation is a two-floor party deck with two pools and 16 cabanas, replete with plush furniture and all-you-can eat and drink tickets. Now I’m kind of angry the Jags didn’t draft Manziel. That would have been a perfect place for his celebrity friends to hang out during games and annoy the media.
— Brandon Spikes said the Bills will shock the world and make the playoffs in 2014. That he has hope should be sufficient indication that this is his first season with the team.
— Dan Snyder did the psychopathic capitalist chest pound from “Wolf of Wall Street” with Matthew McConaughey which is both appropriate and deeply unsettling.
— Police conducted a $100,000 drug bust at a home owned by former Steelers cornerback Deshea Townsend, though there is no indication that Townsend was involved in selling the 1,500 bricks of heroin. See, that’s why I don’t known multiple homes. Don’t want drug rings popping up in my place if I stay away for a while.
— Nate Burleson would like us all to know that he’s going to do something to draw a fine in the Browns-Lions preseason game. Gonna have to promise more than that to get me to tune in. That could be wearing the wrong socks. I need promises of blood, Nate.
— A man proposed to his girlfriend outside Ravens team headquarters and then John Harbaugh appeared to give the future husband the gift of bottled intensity. If it worries you that neither of them are wearing purple camo, I’m sure they’ll make up for that by having bridesmaids with purple camo dresses at the ceremony.