Oh hey Germany wassup how are you doing? Your a true ally to the United States lets have a friendly game of kick-football today old freind. So whats new with you, oh you elected a female Chancellor? How progressive of y-
/*KICK TO THE KNEE CAPS!!!*
//*PEOPLES ELBOW TO GERMANYS BUTTHOLE!!!*
///*POURS GASOLINE ALL OVER GERMENY*
////*GERMANY ACTUALY SMELLS BETTER WHEN ITS SOAKED THROUGH WITH GAS AND IT CAN FINALLY AFFORD TO DRIVE A CAR BIGGER THEN A OFFICE CHAIR*
/////*THROWS GERMANY IN TO THE OCEAN AND BANGS A WAITRESS*
Thats right its your old friend the U S’s of A. You might of recognized us from occupying your country for like a quater of the past century.
Miss me yet?
Your the Buffalo Bills of World Wars. And now your the Redskins of the soccer field account of every one thinks you should change your name to GerWomany, no offense to women. Like literally every one else in the United States I think Soccer is a stupid sport,(trademark Ann Coulter), but if its one thing the US is good at its reluctantly entering internatonal battles and suprising Germany with our counter attack. Lets take a look at The Facts.
- Fact 1: Oliver Kahn and Franz Ferdinand arent walking throuhg that door.
- Fact 2: Every 10 years we host a big celebraton in YOUR backyard celebrating how back we kicked you ass in one battle AND WE MAKE YOU ATTEND IT.
- Fact 3: Youve got some thing called a “Beer Hall.” Weve got “Bourbon Street.” Advantage USA.
- Fact 4: Oh whats that Germeny? You beat us in kicksoccer last time in the Worldcup? Where was that game played? oh thats right in JAPAN. Hmmm. You know what else was played in Japan right that didnt end so well for you guy’s IIRC.
- Fact 5: Adidas is a Germen shoe comapny. They made the worst NFL jeresey’s of all time that were so bad the league said “Actually we’ll try our luck with Starter.” Your NFL career was shorter then Tony Meolas.
- Fact 6: Weve got your coach because shockingly he wanted to live on the beach in souther california rather then having to knife-hunt german caribou for his meals somewere in the northern alps. Last time we caputured a German leader and conventiantly overlooked his history of beating up our allies he singlehandly put a American ON THE MOON, I think we can win a freakin soccer game.
- Fact 7: You liked to make fun of Americas for being fat and with bad eating habit’s, concvenently ignoring the fact that the only food youre countrys known for is basically putting a KFC double down in a blender, and then packaging it up in a sheeps asshole to make it look as much like a dick as possible.
These are all fact’s and heres another: The US is the best country going and after we kick youre ass and win the next round were going to be taking on France on the 4th of July and although defeating France in 90 minutes is oldhat for the Germans, I would love the opportunty.
God bless America.