It was a good week for fans of long form comments this week as the Kommentariat did its part to increase the word count of most posts by a good few thousand. While a solid pithy remark generally gets all of the accolades around these parts, we could not overlook the solid contribution of many of you who spent upwards of four or five minutes on your comment. Your care and your craft is deeply appreciated.
I am your host Sarah Sprague and these are your comments of the week for August 13-19, 2014. We’re almost home, kids.
We may not be able to rig the game, but at least now we can rig the halftime show!
Monty this seems strange to me
In the AFC out East
My team is hopeless
Whiskey in my veins
So I’ve blocked out all the losses
With the porous run D
Gave up too many points
5chan’s gone but we’ve still been haxored
Start a good drive
And throw it to Stevie
Ball hits ground with a tweet
Blaming God for this
Games in Toronto with Canadian fans
Got a couple of celebs
Bidding on the team
Someone keeps sayin’
We’ll move north of the border
With new ownership
And a Bon Jovi song
Don’t despair everything that they write
I’ve lived through Music City Miracle
and a kick gone wide right.
So I drink my lunch
As much beer as I can
Savin’ all my tears up
‘Cuz this team’s going 6-10
Yo, screw it.
Soy un fanatico.
I’m a Bills fan baby, so why don’t you kill me?
If yer gonna talk about fashion before the regular season it should be called a Prekhaki, right?
[makes motion of hitting ball out of park]
Gregggggs, Ranked (with scouting report):
1. (tie) Greggggg Popovich. Pros: Five NBA Championships. Coaches a team that moves the ball with such smooth coordination that the players appear to share one consciousness. Hired the first full-time, salaried female coach in the NBA. Seems no more psychotically competitive than any other pro coach. Cons: Is the avatar of the fundamental need of a legion of assholes to believe that a team of exceptional players with a long-tenured, paternal white coach is morally superior to a team of exceptional players without one.
2. Greggggg Toland. Pros: Cinematographer of several dozen films, including The Grapes of Wrath and Citizen Kane. Cons: Worked on Disney’s Song of the South, making him an accessory to overt racism as entertainment.
3. Greggggg Allman. Pros: Talented musician with a gift for blending styles. Surprisingly good at covering blues standards. Cons: Much of his music was just terrible.
4. Clark Gregggggg. Pros: Has been good as Agent Coulson in the Marvel series. Seems like a decent guy. Cons: Agent Coulson primarily existed as a plot device to give the superheroes something to avenge. He is the face of this hackery, and therefore bears the shame.
5. Greggggg Williams. Pros: Occasionally conjures up an entertaining defensive scheme. Cons: Unrepentant sociopath who gives validation to a cohort of grim-faced killjoys who trivialize football by characterizing it as an enterprise for rage-afflicted man-children.
6. Hypothetical Greggg that shanks you with a screwdriver and lacerates your kidney. Pros: Hypothetical. Cons: Shanks you with a screwdriver and lacerates your kidney.
6. Greggggg Doyel. Pros: Owns at least one electric or safety razor. Cons: Imbecilic. Presumably unaware that he is embarrassing himself, his publishers, his country, and the language in which he writes.
7. Greggggg Easterbrook. Pros: Provides material for Drew Magary (and occasionally Sill Bimmons) to entertain us with their recreational scorn. Cons: Is less a fully-formed human being than a ludicrous shell desperately trying to justify his existence to himself by spraying all of god’s creation with his sense of intellectual and moral superiority, and then hoping, in desperation and terror, that an audience will be taken in by the con and reflect a belief in that superiority back to him, which he will then accept as validation for that belief. Essentially a golem conjured from the early academic essays of unreflective, self-satisfied undergraduates.
I’m going to watch the credits for a Sam Bradford cameo!
If I wanted a cameo from an ’80s flop, it’s THE BOZ or nothing.