Cortland Finnegan: Hey! Happy Leap Day!
Okay, what are we doing? We gotta do something to celebrate.
Von Miller: What are we doing for what? What are you talking about?
Cortland Finnegan: 2012 is a Leap Year. It’s February 29! Leap Day! You have to do something crazy and unexpected on Leap Day. That’s how it works. It only happens once every four years. Seize it! Didn’t you see 30 Rock last week?
Von Miller: No one watches 30 Rock anymore.
Cortland Finnegan: True. But I just happened to see the one last week.
Von Miller: Well I didn’t.
Cortland Finnegan: Whatever. It doesn’t matter. The important thing is, we’re finding something crazy to do. I’m serious about this.
Von Miller: Okay?
Cortland Finnegan: [Sighs] You’re not really working with me here.
Von Miller: I just don’t see the point. This isn’t a holiday or anything. All it is is an occasional extra day included to correct for the drift between the regular calendar year and the astronomical year.
Cortland Finnegan: Tell me makes any less sense than most other holidays. Look, you’ll get into it once we start party planning. Oh, I know, let me check Wikipedia to see who was born today! Leap Day would be such a weird birthday, right?
[Messes with iPhone for five minutes]
Cortland Finnegan: No way! You know who’s born today? Are you ready for this?
Von Miller: …Sure.
Cortland Finnegan: Ja Rule! Ja f*cking Rule! Perfect party theme. Ja Rule Leap Day Party, y’all!
Let’s hang up the projector screen and show this Ja Rule-Wes Anderson mash-up video on loop. That’d be so dope!
Von Miller: Just hold up for a sec. I don’t get this at all. Why are in a house together in Portland? That’s a completely impractical place for either of us to live. Neither of us are from here. We don’t play here. They don’t even have an NFL team in Portland. More to the point, why would either of us need a roommate? We’re starters in the NFL. Even on my rookie contract, I make more than enough to afford to be on my own. And finally, and most importantly, CORTLAND FINNEGAN, is that YOU are not a hipster. Not even remotely close. You’re a monster asswipe who picks fights with people on a constant basis. You couldn’t possibly be any less of a hipster.
Cortland Finnegan: That’s Leap Day, dude. It’s crazy! Nothing makes sense.
Von Miller: …Oh.
But it really is Ja Rule’s birthday, right?
Cortland Finnegan: F*CK YEAH
Von Miller: All right, let’s do it.