A Fat People’s History Of The Packers-Bears Rivalry

01.20.11 7 years ago 56 Comments

The Bears and Packers have played each other more times than any other two teams in NFL history, yet Sunday will be only the second time ever that the two have met in the postseason. Because most Americans have no concept of history uncovered by VH1 nostalgia shows, we felt it necessary to recap some of the more notable moments that have happened over the course of the rivalry. At least it’s more entertaining than the rivalry’s Wikipedia page. Unless it’s been hacked in hilarious fashion, in which case, no chance.

1919: Packers established. Town of Green Bay formed 30 years later.

1927: Curly Lambeau suspended after sending telegram to team seamstress Eunice Niemankurtz describing the size of his bed.

1934: Al Capone delivers special playbook to Coach Halas for the Bears offense, later revealed to be a tablet of 40 pages, completely blank.

1937: Bears defeat Packers, 3-0. Coach Halas receives death threats for “running up the score tally.”

1940: Sid Luckman creates forward pass– not popularized until 1944 when someone else invents “the catch.”

1940: Bears beat the Washington Redskins 73-0 in NFL championship game. No joke here, just trying to piss off Maj.

1941: Teams play each other in the playoffs for the first and heretofore only time, the week after Pearl Harbor. One coordinator is convicted of treason for calling a jap play.

1941-45: Due to labor shortage, Chicago fields teams consisting of actual bears.

1956: Lambeau Field opens. At the time, it was known as City Stadium. It was also briefly called New City Stadium and Father Bebbo’s House of Hoary Football Cliches, before being renamed for the late Mr. Lambeau.

1956: Bears and Packers tie, 21-21, as four people on the Soldier Field concourse are shot and killed by an intoxicated gunman. It is the first and only time the NFL has gone to a shootout.

1959: Sepia tone ban allows quarterbacks to distinguish team uniform colors. Interception rate drops dramatically.

1965: Gale Sayers scores 22 touchdowns, setting a record for rookies with a lady’s name.

1968: Game in Chicago decided by who can beat up the most DNC protesters.

1970: Brian Piccolo out with a lung.

1974: With both teams mired in down seasons, rivalry bragging rights determined by Midwestern self-effacing remark contest.

1983: Tundra not frozen. Packers forfeit home game.


1993: Packers make the playoffs for the first time in 11 years, finally allowing their fans to whip out the long mothballed response to the Super Bowl Shuffle: the Wild Card Waddle.

1997: Mark Chmura fondles a young Jay Cutler. Psychologists determine this has little effect on the future quarterback’s already dour demeanor.

2003: Soldier Field reopens after officials were finally able replace playing surface with even stronger concrete.

2005: The ’90s arrive in Green Bay.

2006: Nothing short of sheer hatred of the Packers forces the Bears purposely tank their chance at the Lombardi trophy. Halas trophy deemed superior.

2010: Bears mull a return of the Honey Bears, the squad of cheerleaders the team employed for only 10 years until 1985, but decide against it based on concerns for Cutler’s diabeetus.

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