The Rocky Mountain News has reported that Broncos owner Pat Bowlen is considering Bob Stoops for the team’s now vacant head coaching position. If I were Mr. Bowlen, I might be wary of a coach who fashions his work ethic after Steve Spurrier. Bob Stoops works about as hard as a French union laborer. I recently got a copy of Stoops’ daily coaching itinerary. Suffice it to say, it is somewhat lacking in intensity.
9:00AM – Wake up. Cuddle with children.
10:00AM – Leisurely breakfast. Read four newspapers in their entirety.
11:00AM – Report to Barry Switzer Center. Tuck in drunken Switzer.
11:30AM – Watch game film of typical Big 12 defense. Enjoy long, hearty guffaw.
12:00AM – Congratulate Sam Bradford on winning Heisman and getting eventual Top 10 draft pick money for throwing the ball many times to receivers who are 30 yards away from any given defender.
12:30AM – TEAM PICNIC!
2:00PM – Practice. Cut practice an hour short to take team Go Kart racing. COACH STOOPS IS THE BEST!
3:00PM – Pick kids up at school.
3:30PM – Switch to “afternoon visor”
4:00PM – 18 holes. Hey, Venables brought Michelob! Score!
8:00PM – Pep speech to team: “You guys are doing awesome. Keep doing that thing where you score 60 points a game! SCORE EVEN HARDER!”
9:00PM – Fall asleep on giant pile of taxpayer money.
Look out, Jonny Gruden. You have met your workaholic match.