A Situation Like This Calls For Some Serious Hyperbole!

09.29.08 9 years ago 42 Comments

I’m not one of those reactionary Redskins fans, or one to go over the top in my reaction to a big win, but I think it’s about time we gas up the bandwagon and plan the trip to Tampa Bay. Continue after the jump for a clinical and reserved analysis of what we learned in yesterday’s win of the millennium at Dallas Stadium.

10 Things I Know I Know That I Know SI Writers Don’t Know

1. I may have been a bit hard on Jim Zorn in the past, but now I think it’s safe to say that he’s the single greatest play caller in the NFL. Watching the Zorn Star orchestrate a drive is like watching Kurosawa direct the world’s stickiest bukkake video.

2. It’s really about time that we start thinking about renaming the MVP award. The Jason Campbell Award For All-Encompassing Sexcellence is the leader in the clubhouse.

3. If the government’s nuclear football ever were to fall into the wrong hands Chris Horton would be called upon to intercept it on behalf of the Pentagon.

4. The only reason Clinton Portis isn’t leading the league in rushing is because Brian Mitchell’s bloated ass is dragging from his jock strap.

5. What happens when you mix Mark Mosley’s sperm with Jesus Christ’s sperm and then inject the resulting mixture into the womb of Kathy Ireland’s character from Necessary Roughness? Shaun Swisher Suisham.

6. The spirit of Sean Taylor has inhabited the body of Santana Moss and he’s giving the wide receiver superhuman powers. If you look closely you can see Taylor speaking through his brother from the U.

7. The foot of Durant Brooks is made of bone, muscle, ligament, skin, hematite, and sunshine.

8. Chris Paul is going to sweep the Grammy Awards.

9. If the Redskins offensive line locked arms at the old border between East and West Berlin communism would be alive and well in Europe.

10. The Redskins are sweet like apples and honey.



via Mister Irrelevant

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