A Tale of Two Schmucks

09.23.08 9 years ago 29 Comments

Oddly enough, only one of these guys is one of the schmucks in question.

When Dan Snyder announced his takeover of DC’s SportsTalk 980 I knew we were in a shitload of trouble. Just two weeks into the season Mr. Snyder, unhappy with the negative tone of the local media, inserted his own right-hand-man Vinny Cerrato into the station’s lineup. So now the Redskins Executive Vice President of Football Operations (basically a castrated GM) gets to play radio host a couple of times a week in an attempt to skew the coverage back towards the positive along with Snyder-approved guests like the loathsome George Michael.

Needless to say, nobody in their right mind thought this was anything close to a good idea. And not just because the guy running the team should probably have something better to do with his afternoons than to shill for his own franchise, instead it’s because everybody knows that Vinny Cerrato is a worthless prick.

Why all the hate for Vinny? Well for starters he has absolutely zero qualifications to run an NFL franchise, unless you consider working as Lou Holtz’s “recruiting coordinator” (bag-boy*) at Notre Dame to be executive experience. This is the guy who traded for Brandon Lloyd, gave him a huge (and completely unnecessary) contract only to cut him loose and claim that he’s reverted back into a capable receiver in Chicago because he’s “desperate” without a huge guaranteed contract. Logic like that is what makes everyone in this city want to knock the chicklets out of his self-satisfied smile with a length of rebar.

Now for a little bit of background on this story’s (there is a story coming eventually) other player…

For those of you who are unfamiliar, the schmuck pictured above is one Jason La Canfora (an avowed fan of the Red Sox). He is the Washington Post’s beat writer for the Redskins, which is hard because he and Cerrato are not on speaking terms. The hatred between these two jackasses is nothing new, and for a while nobody could really blame LaCa. Hell, every Redskins fan I know would wait in line to tell Vinny to fuck off in their own colorful way. But that doesn’t excuse his attempts to subvert the franchise out of spite.

So what did he do that was so bad?

The Redskins beat writer called the NFL offices to “inquire” as to whether or not the Redskins could be considered guilty of tampering after Vinny and the guests on his new radio show were merely speculating as to what might be next for Lane Kiffin if he were in fact to be fired. It was clear to anyone who doesn’t have their head planted alongside their colon that Vinny was nowhere in the neighborhood of tampering. The only reason La Canfora pursued the issue at all is because he’s always on the lookout for anything that could possibly undermine the Snyder-Cerrato machine.

Now of course the league called up Vinny to let him know what was going on, and the fuckwad brought up the situation yesterday’s radio show. Only the way Vinny told the story, it wasn’t an inquiry so much as it was La Canfora attempting to “charge us with tampering.” This little bit of misinformation (the one field in which Vinny is actually competent) actually turned Vinny into a sympathetic figure (for a few hours), albeit one with the world’s most weaselly laugh.

While calling the league to “inquire” about a rule seems innocent enough, it seems pretty obvious that La Canfora was in fact trying to find a noose with which to hang his nemesis.

So how can we settle the bitch-fest between the world’s most misanthropic beat writer and the world’s shittiest front office executive? Normally I’d suggest a trip to the Thunder Dome, but then one of them would get to live.

*H/T to Czaban.

On Jason La Canfora, Vinny Cerrato and Tampering
Cerrato’s Special Working Relationship

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