All Old People Should Be Fired Like This

03.07.07 11 years ago 78 Comments

The Panthers cut QB Chris Weinke, arguably the most uninspiring two-sport athlete of our generation, on Tuesday. Yeah, hard to believe that drafting a 28-year-old quarterback didn’t pay greater dividends for them.

Some highlights of Weinke’s career:

– Played six years of minor league baseball, probably dusted off many a tired vagina on road trips during a mediocre career as a struggling third baseman, playing with many future stars such as Juan Marichal and Goose Gossage.

– Enrolled at Florida State to play football at Florida State, probably slipped Captain Weinke into some coeds over at FSU that were less than half his age plus seven.

– Became the first player to win the Heisman Trophy with erectile dysfunction.

– started 27 games in the NFL, all with the Panthers. Was eventually replaced by Rodney Peete, who was replaced by a celibate homeless guy at the Charlotte Bus Station, who was replaced by Jake Delhomme.

Weinke will probably spend time getting back to Jesus; they’ve lost touch since they went to elementary school together.

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