Always Be Covering (And Top Chef): Burn it All

12.14.12 5 years ago 24 Comments

Eh, it’s cheaper than designer firewood. (via)

Last Week: 1-2-1
Overall: 43-40-2

Denver Broncos -3 (EVEN) at Baltimore Ravens

Carolina Panthers +3 at San Diego Chargers

Hey, it’s December and you can still get points against the Chargers. That seems like something that might worth exploring.

Atlanta Falcons -1 vs. New York Giants

With the Redskins and Cowboys both just a game back in the NFC East the Giants would be well-served to win out if they want to go on another one of their bullsh*t playoff runs. So, Eli, can you do it?

“COME ON!” -Cooper Manning

Buffalo Bills +6 (-115) vs. Seattle Seahawks

They’re still doing this thing where they make Buffalo play home games in Toronto. There would be more outrage but nobody can get that worked up about the Bills at this point, can they? I mean if it were a real franchise you’d probably be hearing a lot more about it. I asked one of the three Bills fans I’ve ever met about the location of this week’s game, and he didn’t even know it was on the other side of the border.

New York Jets +1.5 at Tennessee Titans

Once upon a time John Riggins looked like the lovechild of Brad Pitt and Will Ferrell. I have nothing else to say about the Jets.

Prop Bet Special

This week Bovada asks if Gregggg Williams will be coaching in the NFL at the start of the 2013 season. So yeah, go ahead and take “No” at -140. The latest information to come out of the bounty scandal tells us that Gregggg claimed he wanted to go clean while Joe Vitt plotted to kill Kurt Warner. Vitt responded by calling Gregggg a narcissist, which was met with nods of agreement from every single person who knows anything about him.

The Top Chef Top 11 is after the jump.

Say goodbye to Eliza. She’s return to her bistro in Telluride, or say fuck it and follow another shitty jam band on tour while serving meatless barbecue out of her trunk.

This week the chefs were cooking for the best group of guests ever. The quickfire was judged by Marilyn Hagerty, who was every bit as sweet and clueless as you could hope. The producers followed that up with Anna Faris and Chris Pratt, who should probably be featured in every episode for the rest of the season time. Hell, just give him his own show where he gets high and eats good food. Ratings.

Top Chef Top 11

11. Danyelle (Last week: 11)– Next week: Gone. Well, probably. She sucked this week, and she knows she sucked. She sucked before she served her food. Hell, she sucked before she cooked it. Sorry your boar chops are too thin, but apparently you suck at shopping too. But hey, you seem really nice. So I’m sorry for saying you sucked over and over.

10. Micah (8)- The non-Pratt highlight of the episode was Hagerty calling Micah’s taco dry. Funny because he made a tamale, and she’s an old lady from North Dakota whose favorite restaurant is Olive Garden. They should put her in charge of Last Chance Kitchen immediately. CJ would definitely throw a whisk at her head for making a face at his oxtail flan.

Note: I thought that oxtail flan was some ridiculous dish I just invented in my head, but no, it’s real.

9. Josie (7)– Pairing a short rib with pork belly is the kind of thing I’d try if I were really drunk one night and stumbled in to the Top Chef kitchen. Because drunk fat people don’t care about things like “balance” and “cholesterol poisoning.”

8.Lizzie (9)– Bonus points for knowing your dish sucked, I guess.

7. Bart (6)- Pretty smart for the Belgian to reflect on his heritage by making waffles for Hagerty. If he had gone with the other dish his country is famous for she would have asked why he serves his french fries with strange oval rocks.

6. Kristen (5)– She’s only flirting Stefan to make me jealous. Duh.

5. Josh (3)– He served a giant block of pork shoulder that was only seasoned with bits of salt, pepper and mustache dander

4. Brooke (10)- Still pretty, and now a really good chef, apparently. She won immunity by making some cheddar apple pie bullshit in the quickfire (Hagerty knew what it was, which helped), then went all out and won her a new Prius (so roomy, and what a trunk!). Lamb stuffed squid sounds like something Spilly would dream up, but apparently it was fucking amazing.

God damn it, Tumblr person, Chris Pratt is not Canadian.

3. Sheldon (4)- At some point Sheldon might be accused of relying too heavily on his laid back Hawaiian vibes, but I really don’t care. His food looks amazing and I want to go to his restaurant. Airfare could present a problem.

2. Stefan (2)– Josh thought he was a total douche, but now they’re totally bros. This obviously means that Stefan is a bigger douche than any of us could have ever imagined, because Josh is the worst.

1. John (1)– The most hated chef in Dallas ™ made a seafood chowder inspired by his former boss Rick Moonen. And guess what, Rick Moonen is the guest judge. What a stunning twist that feels totally organic. Anyway, the CHOWDAH looks amazing and I wanna dip my balls in it (via The State).

Next week we finally get down to the top 10. Unless they kick off two people. Or none. This show is weird.

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