The NFL season is less than a week away! So draft those fantasy teams. Sign up for those pools. And for the love of god, make some stupid prop bets before it’s too late. Let’s get started with some of the best (and worst) bets for your money this year.
Best bet (low risk): Aaron Rogers 5/1
That’s pretty reasonable, actually. The second betting favorite (to Peyton Manning) gives you decent value. Not bad if you’re risk averse.
But if you’re not a cheap coward…
Best bet (high risk): Cam Newton 40/1
Oh yeah. Oh hell yeah. Will the media want to give it to him? No. But if he leads that team with zero running game and no receivers you’ve ever heard of to the playoffs what can they do about it? OK, so that’s not likely to happen. And even if it does they’ll still give it to Manning. But still, this is something to hope for.
Worst bet: Russell Wilson 20/1
Is Russell Wilson elite?
Why is he even listed?: Eric Decker 300/1
Because some Jets fan is going to put ten bucks on it and that’s ten bucks in Bovada’s virtual pocket.
Best bet (low risk): Brandin Cooks 5/1
He’s the odds on favorite for a reason. He has first round talent, he’s fast as shit and he got drafted by the right team. Why go with Sammy Watkins when you can have somebody whose quarterback isn’t EJ Manuel?
Best bet (medium risk): Jordan Matthews 10/1
Another wide receiver picked in large part based on the team he plays for. The Eagles will pass. A lot. Matthews is tall and fast, while the guy next to h
Best bet (high risk): Terrance West 40/1
He’s about the same risk level as Jeremy Hill, but with significantly better odds. Both running backs will be given their chances, though West plays behind the less durable starter.
Worst bet: Odell Beckham Jr 33/1
Unless Eli Manning really does complete over 70% of his passes.
Best bet (low risk): Jadeveon Clowney 9/4
Because yeah, he’ll probably win.
Best bet (medium risk): Darqueze Dennard 14/1
The only downside to Darqueze’s DROY candidacy is the fact that he plays on the team with Andy Dalton. That’s just more interceptions for the competition.
That’s a silly name: Ego Ferguson 33/1
If I were naming myself after a Beyonce song I’d go with something cooler like Rocket. Or maybe Turnt. I have now spent too much time on Beyonce’s Wiki page.
Nope. This is a terrible award. Go away. OK, just one…
Worst bet: Ray Rice 40/1
He could rush for 2000 yards over 14 games and they wouldn’t give him this award.
Best bet: Dennis Allen 4/1
The Raiders need to shake things up with a stupidly timed firing. It sustains them.
Worst bet: n/a
There is no worst bet when you’re betting on somebody to get fired.
Best bet: Green Bay 10/1
My dad walked by when I was looking at Super Bowl odds. He said he wants to put $100 on the Packers. I’ve never seen him make a non-golf wager in my life.
Worst bet: Any of the really shitty teams
I mean, take your pick. The Jaguars are getting huge odds, for a pretty good reason. But it’s no more or less ridiculous than the Texans. Ryan Fitzpatrick plays for them. Regularly.
Best bet (medium risk): Tennessee 12/1
Something about the combination of their relatively generous odds and their shaky ass roster gives me hope.
Best bet (high risk): Washington 25/1
Because we can’t have nice things.
Worst bet: Anyone with odds at 40/1 or greater
40/1 is the cutoff because if Cam Newton gets hurt I could see the Panthers (33/1) go the whole season without an offensive touchdown. Did you know that Horse Balls is their backup? Now you do.