Always Be Covering: Week 14

12.05.14 3 years ago 57 Comments

lol bill

ESPN

Last Week: 1-2
Overall: 21-27-3
Stupid Ass Single-Game Parlay: N/A
SAS-GP Overall: 1-11

About that… .500 doesn’t look like it’s happening this year.

Home Favorite of the Week

Miami Dolphins -2.5 vs. Baltimore Ravens

Is Ryan Tannehill elite? Because his numbers are certainly as good as El Flacco’s. He comes in to this crucial matchup of 7-5 wildcard hopefuls off of five straight games with a completion percentage over 70. It’s been a couple of years since somebody did that, and it was Peyton Manning. That said, Tannehill and the Dolphins are as good as their defense, because he and Flacco are basically the same. Tannehill’s defense is very good. Baltimore’s defense is missing their most important player. Cover.

Road Favorite of the Week

San Francisco 49ers -8 at Oakland Raiders

The 49ers are a total mess. They have an uphill battle to the playoffs, their coach is going to be in Ann Arbor in two months, and the GM’s daughter is ripping everybody a new asshole on Twitter. And yet, they have the Raiders at home this week. Nobody is that fucked up.

Home Dog of the Week

Washington Redskins +3 vs. St. Louis Rams

Yes, I’m stupid, but not stupid enough to actually do this. It’s more like a fun exercise. It’ll give me some reason to watch this game (note: I’ll take a hard second half nap). My best guess is that the Rams pass rush knocks Colt McCoy out of the game, and RGIII comes in to audition for the Rams. They won’t win, but maybe he’ll make it interesting.

Road Dog of the Week

Pittsburgh Steelers +3.5 at Cincinnati Bengals

Andy Dalton is terrible, the Bengals rely on two running backs who each have their own flaws, yet they’re 8-3-1 and giving more than a field goal against a pretty good Steelers team. At some point Dalton’s sheer presence has to catch up to the Bengals. I think this is the week, assuming BEN can move the ball on Cincinnati’s secondary.

Literal Dog of the Week

This Pitbull/Australian Cattle Dog has the best markings.

Suicide Status

DEAD

Suicide Picks

Boring pick: Green Bay over Atlanta

Intriguing pick: New Orleans over Carolina

Pick most likely to result in half of the field being eliminated: Minnesota over New York Jets (it doesn’t feel like a big week for upsets).

Pro Tip of the Week

Try as I might, I’m probably not going to be able to help you make any money. However, I can offer tips that will help you out in other walks of life. It could be a recommendation on something to read, advice on lighting for your home, something useful I learned on the internet, or, more likely, something about food.

Speaking as someone who spends a lot of time driving through DC…

Send me an email if you would like to submit a Fantasy Matchup or a Pro Tip for future consideration.

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