Last Week: 2-2 (PFT Commenter)
Last Week’s Stupid Ass Single-Game Parlay: LOSS (PFT Commenter)
About that… PFT Commenter filled in admirably. Even his predictions fared better than anyone could have possibly predicted, no offense.
Stupid Ass Single Game-Parlays Overall: 2-10
Stupid Ass Single-Game Parlay of the Week
Denver Broncos -12.5 at Oakland Raiders and OVER 54 points
Home field advantage should provide the Broncos with enough motivation to ruin the Raiders one more time. But really, how much different would this line be if the Broncos had already wrapped that up? I think I’d take two quarters of Peyton Manning trying to extend his touchdown record. Note: Wes Welker is still out, which is good because every time he plays he looks like he’s going to die.
Home Favorite of the Week
Pittsburgh Steelers -7 at Cleveland Browns
The Steelers are trying to become the second team to ever make the playoffs after starting 0-4. If they are going to alter that much cited statistic, they’ll need four different results to go in their favor, which probably isn’t happening. Still, the Browns are the Browns, and the Steelers should at least be able to take care of their own work.
Road Favorite of the Week
Carolina Panthers -7 at Atlanta Falcons
I don’t think the Falcons are going to be able to talk Tony Gonzalez into an 18th season. Especially not after the Panthers help the Falcons finish off their 4-12 season. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that Gonzalez is an all-time good guy, and Cam Newton is a god damned pariah because of that time he didn’t want to talk to Peter King.
Road Dog of the Week
Kansas City Chiefs +9.5 at San Diego Chargers
The Chiefs are huge underdogs because they don’t have anything to play for. On the other hand, the Chargers probably won’t either. They need losses from the Dolphins and the Ravens. Even if they’re lucky they’ll probably only get one, so they could be out of it by the time the late games kick off.
Other Road Dog of the Week
Washington Redskins +3.5 at New York Giants
Welcome to the NFC East Shit Bowl. Neither team has anything to gain, but the advantage goes to the Redskins because they don’t have a draft pick to improve upon. In fact, the possibility of keeping the Rams from getting a high pick might be a bit of added incentive to win for a second straight week. [Ed. note: Kogod appears to be operating under the delusion that Washington won last week. Whatever helps him cope.]
Literal Dog(s) of the Week
So cute. So dumb.
Fantasy Matchup of the Week
Either nobody plays in 17 week fantasy leagues anymore, or nobody wants to admit to it. So this week we go with a submission that Mark sent in earlier this season. Seems like he just wanted a One Direction avatar.
Pro Tip of the Week
Try as I might, I’m probably not going to be able to help you make any money. However, I can offer tips that will help you out in other walks of life. It could be a recommendation on something to read, advice on lighting for your home, something useful I learned on the internet, or, more likely, something about food.
Do you like eggnog because it’s delicious, but wonder if it could be better? Age it and it will improve dramatically.
Do you hate eggnog because it’s super sweet and weirdly thick? Age it and it becomes the kind of cocktail you can get down with.
Send me an email if you would like to submit a Fantasy Matchup or a Pro Tip for future consideration.