Always Be Covering: Week 9

11.01.13 4 years ago 11 Comments

Giants Eagles Football

Last Week: 1-3
Last Week’s Stupid Ass Single-Game Parlay: Loss

About that… The Chiefs didn’t cover, and the total went over the number. Aside from that, it was a pretty good parlay. New rule: Never bet against Jason Campbell. He’s dynamic.

Stupid Ass Single Game-Parlays Overall: 1-4
Overall: 15-13-1

Onward, friends.

Stupid Ass Single-Game Parlay of the Week

New Orleans -6 at New York Jets and UNDER 45.5

Ryan vs. Ryan. It’s like Spy vs. Spy with far more sadistic violence and well-disguised blitz packages. Wolfman Rob gets the win, which means he gets to pick out the family’s pornographic Christmas card.

Home Favorite of the Week

Oakland Raiders -2.5 vs. Philadelphia Eagles

I will happily jump back on the Raiders bandwagon as long as the Eagles are involved. I think Nick Foles is playing, but it doesn’t even matter at this point.

Road Favorite of the Week

Tennessee Titans -3 at St. Louis Rams

The best thing about Kellen Clemens starting is betting against Kellen Clemens. The worst thing about Kellen Clemens starting is that it reminds you how our favorite source of entertainment is dependent on a startlingly low number of competent quarterbacks.

Other Road Favorite of the Week

San Diego Chargers -1 at Washington Redskins

Not every Redskins fan is ready to admit that they suck. You’d think that losing this week would get them over the hump, but it won’t. The division is too bad, and the fans are too delusional. The Redskins will never really be out of it. They’ll suck for a few more weeks, then they’ll start to play better, then they’ll figure out a way to sneak into the playoffs at 8-8, then everything will go horribly wrong and Mike Shanahan will get an extension. It’s gonna be the worst.

Literal Dog of the Week

hulk dog

Fantasy Matchup of the Week

touchdown there

Submitted by @charliemassie, who must have a lot of guys on bye.

Pro Tip of the Week

Try as I might, I’m probably not going to be able to help you make any money. However, I can offer tips that will help you out in other walks of life. It could be a recommendation on something to read, advice on lighting for your home, something useful I learned on the internet, or, more likely, something about food.

Don’t tell your pregnant wife that she shouldn’t eat Easy Mac for breakfast.

Send me an email if you would like to submit a Fantasy Matchup or a Pro Tip for future consideration.

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