This week’s episode of “Hard Knocks” was a vast improvement over the week before. Even if this season suffers for a lack of big personalities, the series is always able to tease quotes and tidbits out of players that we can use to make fun of them for the rest of the season, if not longer. And so it will be with Ryan Tannehill not knowing how the NFL divisions and conferences work. The big dummy.
We also got a pick into the process that went into the Vontae Davis trade, which was executed with as much shrewdness as you might expect out of Jeff Ireland. There are also amusing moments with Richie Incognito being a dick and one the story of how one of the two rookies paling around got lost at sea and nearly died.
Anyway, you know it was a better episode because we got back up to 10 things we can highlight for this week. So let’s get to ’em:
Ryan Tannehill’s awkward lesson in giving dab from Edmond Gates segues into the shocking reveal that Ryan Tannehill doesn’t know anything about the layout of NFL teams. On one hand, I suppose that knowledge ultimate has little bearing on how good he is or is not at his job. Still, even if the guy grew up liking college ball more than the NFL, you would assume someone who aspires to play in the NFL one day might bother to learn something like who plays who on a regular basis and other things about the team you play for, so you don’t tell fans you’re gonna go beat those division rival Cardinals. Hell, even Matt Moore knows this shit.
The segment where Jeff Ireland and Joe Philbin are discussing whether to trade Vontae Davis was great just for seeing how little carefully weighed thought went into a potentially significant deal. “Well, I don’t know. This guy is gonna be good for us, but will he be in the plans for us by the time we might end up being decent fours years from now? I say we ship him.” “Well, I don’t know, but that sounds like solid reasoning. What the hey.”
Thankfully, there was no Jim Irsay cameo like I feared there might. Instead, viewers get to see Jeff Ireland pretending to pay attention to trade negotiations on the phone while observing his kid’s refrigerator art.
The exchange between Jeff Ireland and Vontae Davis after the trade had just gone through was just a treat. Vontae almost reflexively has to deliver the news to his grandmother, because apparently she’s still packing his lunches and makes sure he reports to the right team every day. Jeff Ireland is, like, “Whoa there, let me actually finish giving you this news before running to your grandma with it. Besides, she probably has to finish with the john she’s with at the moment. Your grandma is a whore, right?”
As we already knew going in, Les Brown didn’t survive the turks on account of being terrible at blocking. Reader Dagotron mentioned while taking part in the live blog that he made a joke about Brown’s girl ditching him once he got cut and she immediately responded. I guess if she’s on the Twitter search for his name while “Hard Knocks” is going on, it must be love. She also seemed pissed at the team for now giving him more PT in the preseason.
I love that Les Brown calls himself Lester out of frustration. Ugh, I need to focus. I better address myself like I’m one of my own parents in my inner monologue.
Richie Incognito was on a mission to let everyone know that he is a hardass in this episode. Nothing worse than engaging in some iPad hazing. It’s the hazing of the future. Anyway, Incognito guesses that Michael Egnew’s device password is his phone number and posts “I just shit my pants” on Egnew’s Facebook wall then bags on his girl. Hey, don’t be mad, Egnew. Richie says you got off easy this time. Don’t test him, bro. It could be so much worse.
More Richie Incognito being a douche. “Hey, Tannehill, you thew starter now? Good, good. Just don’t fuck it up. I’m used to winning. I came here from the Bills and Rams.”
Jarrell Root and Chas Alecxih had an adorable Tryout Guy bromance for most of this episode. Just two funny hair rookies chatting about MMA, grab-assin’ and bonding over their love of movies. Shame Chas didn’t make it through this episode. There were actually two people on the show who looked like they enjoyed themselves for a minute.
Before Chas is sent packing, we get to hear about how he gets stranded when his Jet Ski breaks down in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico. He hung on and eventually lived long enough to be cut by the Dolphins.
We see Lauren Tannehill adjusting well to being a Miami football wife. Then he’s a quick shot of Ryan oh-gorshing himself because he’s at practice with his wedding ring on. Think we’re gonna some more quality derps out of Ryan before this is all said and done.
David Garrard is injured, so he won’t be winning any QB jobs. He’s lucky if his career isn’t completely. But he is still wearing Silky hats, which is really all we require of him.