New York made Chicago work a little harder than expected for the win everybody presumed the Bears would get. If anything, it just made Eli’s mistakes more dramatic. Which is kind of nice. Eli Manning interceptions in the second half of 30-point blowouts aren’t nearly as fun. So thanks for that.
Cheers to Jay Cutler for kicking his history of Thursday Night Football struggles, which is something I feel confident in assuming that no one either realized or cared was a thing.
Okay, on to the highlights, which is mostly laughing at Elisha.
If you love Eli Manning petulance, 2013 must be the greatest year of your life. Last night did not disappoint on that score. I eagerly await the day when Eli injures a shoulder huffing and puffing and spazzing out. It’s coming. Mark my words…
What I love most about Eli’s pick-six – other than merely the fact that it happened – is that he stands perfectly still while the interception return is going on. I don’t really care that he didn’t pursue Tim Jennings because there’s no way he catches him, but most quarterbacks would at least make a half-hearted attempt to jog in the direction of the defender. Not Eli!
Way to ruin the best moment of the game with starfucking, Brad Nessler. Eli threw the inevitable interception to ice the game for the Bears and there was Nessler to immediately and ridiculously proclaim that it wasn’t Eli’s fault. Was it Brandon Myers’ fault for not being 10 feet tall. Stupid tight ends! Why can’t they have the physique of those giant fans in the DirecTV ads?
After a commercial break, Nessler and Mayock sheepishly walked back the terrible comment, but not all the way. Mayock volunteered that MAYBE the throw was a little high. Little? Fuck off.
What made Nessler’s comment all the more sad/egregious was that, a few plays earlier, Eli hung a pass up that should have been intercepted. Not sure if he’s frustrated at himself for the poor throw or upset that he had to throw another one to officially end his miserable evening.
Eli was so bad, he was actually Favre-like at times last night. Unlike the Land Baron, however, he was most certainly not having fun out there.
Missing tooth bro is appreciated but the real winner here is the fan who loves Martellus Bennett so much he got a customized Black Unicorn jersey. Kudos to you, sir.
The sweater and Zubaz combo is the Bears fan aesthetic ideal, so cheers to this man for having it. You could argue that he also needs a mustache and Aviators to fully complete the look, but given that Mike Ditka looks like this these days, I don’t blame him for distancing himself.
Rueben Randle was either directly or indirectly involved in a lot of derps in this game. The first two Manning interceptions were intended for him. While he later caught a touchdown pass, he should have also had a fumble. On a catch in the second half, he had daylight but then slipped, fell to the ground then spiked the ball in frustration. The problem was, he hadn’t been contacted yet. He pulled a Plaxico. Except the refs bailed his ass out by ruling that he had “given himself up” and thus the play was over. The Giants ended up scoring on the drive to cut Chicago’s lead to 27-21. It’s a good thing the Bears went on to win or you’d have a few angry Chicagoans this morning. You do NOT want to see Zubaz when it’s angry.
Halloween edition! At the outset of the broadcast, Nessler and Mayock were going over what to watch for in the game. Mayock explained that Jay Cutler “sees ghosts” meaning that if you start to get pressure on him, he’ll just assume it’s always there even if it isn’t. This might be one of the more logical Mayockisms yet, so know that the next one will be doubly nonsensical.