The draft has come and gone, but there are still plenty of under the radar picks we could know a bit better. After all, most of us didn’t bother sitting through three horrible days of the NFL Draft.
Name: Jeff Locke
Position: Punter and kickoff specialist
Selected by: Minnesota Vikings
That’s a bold move Cotton. Lets see how it plays.
— Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) April 27, 2013
Pick: 155th (5th round)
Outspoken proponent on social issues?: I said UCLA, not Cal. (oh yeah, Kluwe went to UCLA too didn’t he?)
Secret that the Vikings don’t know about yet: He likes dogs*, and it’s a slippery slope from belly rubs to bestiality.
Hobby: Video games
Which is only mentioned because: It stings Kluwe that much deeper.
Notable highlight real feature: He can’t kick the ball without injuring himself.
Which, by kicker/punter standards, makes him: TOUGH AS NAILS, BRO.
Strength: Making footballs go boom
Weakness: Off-field blogworthiness
Loved by: Michele Bachmann
Hated by: Michele Bachmann when she finds out he kicks with his left foot (aka the satanic foot)
What scouts are saying: He punts. He kicks. He punts and kicks and punts. Punt punt punt, kick kick kick, The Punty and Kicky Show! (scouts don’t really scout punters, right?)
Immediate impact: Punts the ball about as well as Chris Kluwe, but without all of the independent thoughts. Much ballyhooed kickoff ability becomes moot when the Vikings remember they already have a kicker who is both really effective, and doesn’t spend his evenings responding to fans of the team who call him a f*g lover on Twitter.
Down the road: Fails to make the cover of Out Magazine
*I don’t know for a fact that he likes dogs, but he his silence on the topic has said volumes. What are you hiding, Mr. Locke?