Name: Brady Quinn — he’s like the anti-Reggie Cleveland! (you might remember him from Ron Borges’ Reggie Cleveland All Stars)
Height: Taller than the average leprechaun
Weight: A bit light in the loafers
Urine Test: Trace amounts of diethylstilbestrol
Stool Sample: Semen swirled
Mainstream Comparison: Carson Palmer (neither could beat USC for different reasons)
KSK Comparison: Lance Bass
Who Wants Him: Unless the Lions or Browns reach big time the answer is…nobody. He’ll get drafted by the team that says “Fuck, he’s still here? I guess we have to take him.”
Hobbies: Hair gel, 3-ways with his sister and AJ
Fav Movie: Roto Rooting Rudy Ruetigger (gay porn version of Rudy)
Fav Simpsons Ep/Nickname: Mr. Plow
Story ESPN Will Shove Down Your Throat: Expect the full package…that gag reflex is normal
Immediate Impact: Even if he’s not a great quarterback he’s a lock to increase the league’s “Abercrombie Quotient” by ten percent. That being said, he’s no stranger to the league’s up-and-coming Dipshit Consortium.
Down the Road: People like to think he could be the next Tom Brady–then again, I like to think I could be the next middleweight champion of the world. He could be the next Carson Palmer but he’s probably the next Eli Manning.