MMP: They call it ‘Steel City.’ Personally, I call it ‘real shitty.’ Good afternoon, Monday Morning Punter here with a very special guest. Chester Blutnik was an eyewitness to the Roethlisberger bike crash. He’s 24 years old and currently unemployed, and he joins us live.
CB: Sup Punter.
MMP: I understand Big Ben was, and still is, your favorite player?
MMP: Sir, in your own words, tell us what happened on that fateful day when your hero was struck down by that cruel windshield of fate.
CB: Well dude was rollin through, goin crazy and loud and shit, then bitch in a Caddy came n put a tag on his ass. Bam.
MMP: Wasn’t the woman driving a Chrysler?
CB: I dunno.
MMP: You don’t know? I thought you were there? You told me on the phone that you were there.
CB: I was there, man. I ain’t foolin.
MMP: [Sighing] Chester…
MMP: Chester…what did they do with Big Ben’s appendix?
CB: Man, them doctors got him n cut him up n shit then they took it out and then…
MMP: Did they throw it out or did they keep it?
CB: They still got it, yo.
MMP: If they sell it on eBay, will you buy it?
CB: Yeah, man.
MMP: How much would you pay for Ben’s appendix?
CB: I dunno. Ten bucks?
MMP: Chester, thanks for that eyewitness report.