Big Ben Fails To Wear Helmet, Crashes Into Appendicitis

09.03.06 10 years ago 11 Comments

That sound you heard was the collective groan of everyone in Western Pennsylvania. Largely because it’s 7:30 and everyone there has presumably finished their Sunday evening dinner of hamburgers, ham steaks, fat back, and packets of raw Velveeta. But also because Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger will miss the season opener and possibly more games due to an emergency appendectomy. Charlie Batch will start in his place.

I’m not sure if you recall the last time Big Ben went out for an extended period (against the Jaguars), but let me refresh your memory: Steelers lead, Tommy Maddox, Steelers lose. Roethlisberger is kind of important to the Steelers. If he misses the first month, while Carson Palmer is looking very much not injured, then the Steelers could be looking up at the Bengals come October.

This fucking Big Ben, careening around life and recklessly disregarding his own vestigial organs. What an irresponsible prick. Time to grow up, young man. Stop doing whatever it is that makes your innards burst. Even Charlie Batch doesn’t want to see Charlie Batch playing.

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