You’ll have to excuse me; I’m a little introspective today. It’s nice; taking stock of my thoughts helps rid me of the little demons in my conscience. Unfortunately, it totally fucks up my joke-making mechanism.
So let me walk you through my dilemma. I’ve got two cheerleaders I want to feature today, both attractive, both bringing up certain discussion points relative to the greater narrative in NFL fandom. But can I post two? Am I allowed to do that? Are there going to be enough cheerleaders to cover the entire year if I post two today? Well, friends, it’s a risk I’m willing to take.
I took this photo from Foxsports.com, which labeled this lovely woman as “a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader.” Really? No shit. What tipped you off, Sherlock?
Well, the wire services may not care about cheerleaders, but WE do. This is Becca Gambel. She’s 21, owns a chocolate lab named Milton, and claims that her best trait is her “easy-going personality.” Feel free to disagree.
Becca most definitely did NOT try to kill herself with a prescription overdose this week, not with that dark wavy sex hair and those blue eyes. Rawr! But the real reason she’s getting our attention today is that — for the distorted physical expectations of an NFL cheerleader — she appears to be a little thick in the britches. And delightfully so, if you ask me. Even a white boy’s got to shout: She’s got a great saddle.
This lass is our runner-up. Another anonymous hottie, and I’m having trouble verifying this one: I think she’s Amanda, but deep down I’d rather she be Crystal. Whatever, all blondes with big racks look the same to me: fucking sexy.
I singled out Crys-anda because this is what I imagine all Redskins cheerleaders should look like: a beautiful straight-toothed smile in keeping with her profession, but a vacant, faraway look that says Weren’t the Redskins supposed to be good this year?