Ladies and gentlemen, photos of Dan Snyder are, to say the least, uncommon. There are only a handful circulating on the internet, quite the accomplishment for a man who owns one of the most valuable sports franchises in the world and f*cks up high-profile free agent signings in glorious and spectacular fashion. So this — this is something we need to cherish and immortalize.
I desperately need to know the backstory to this picture. Why is Kevin Durant sending Dan Snyder shoes? When did Snyder start buying chairs at the Salvation Army? How did he choose burgundy and gold wallpaper and carpeting and still get them to clash? Does this make it into the Guinness Book of World Records as the whitest pose ever? At first I had no idea why the f*ck anyone in the Dan Snyder Empire would allow this to see the light of day, and then I remembered Tony Wyllie exists.
In any event, you know where I’m going with this. It’s time for the COLLECTIVE POWERS OF THE KOMMENTARIAT TO UNITE and Photoshop the motherf*ck out of this picture.
What is Photoshopping? It’s where you humorously edit the image in MS Paint. I’m pretty sure that’s correct.
To get you started, here’s Ape’s rendition:
Submission deadline is Thursday at 5 p.m. Send to firstname.lastname@example.org. The grand prize is that all of your hopes and dreams will be fulfilled. Can’t beat that.