The penalty riddled opening drive of tonight’s game culminated with a familiar sequence for Lovie Smith. In Archer-friendly terms: CLASSIC LOVIE SMITH. After the Bears failed on a 3rd and short in Lions territory, Lovie called a timeout, then proceeded to run the exact same play, which naturally failed. Not content to settle for mere pedestrian failure, Lovie challenged the spot of the ball on the 4th down, which was clearly short to even the most glaucoma-stricken observer. Just a great job playing to type.
Look, we love Cutler sulks, possibly more than any.
HOWEVAH The Sulkface Chickenwing played about as well as he could have given his protection. Yeah, I gagged when Jaws started practicing his Romo kegels in the booth by saying it was the best performance of Cutler’s career, but we can still be somewhat fair while disdaining Jaws’ rampant starfluffing. Bet his QBR was through the roof! Also, there was Devin Hester’s big drop and other associated screwups. PK was talking mad shit on the Twitter, Hester. RETURN HIS CALLS! In addition to Cutler’s scary competency, Jahvid Best averaged more than six inches per carry. By a significant margin. Good thing there were flags on every play to distract from these frightening new realities.
SIDEBAR: “Arrested Development” returned to Detroit before the rest of the country.
There were several audio errors at the outset of the broadcast that gave Jon Gruden a temporary Max Headroom effect. It’s possible it was an eerie side effect of the Orange Drank “Mega Juice” that Gruden was lugging around in the booth in honor of Megatron’s favorite sideline Pedialyte receptacle. It’s funny because Gruden might actually be more tolerable if he were drunk.