Everything’s Crappier in Three Dimensions

11.24.08 9 years ago 29 Comments

You have probably heard that this week the NFL will take their next step three dimensional experimentation when they screen the Oakland-San Diego game in a special theater for select broadcasting partners and various tech nerds. Of course this has left many NFL fans who harbor memories of strapping on cheap cardboard “glasses” to catch a glimpse of Kelly Bundy’s sweet sweet tits to ask why the fuck anyone would want their football in 3D. Here at KSK we embrace the forward-thinking automatons in the NFL marketing office and we’ve come up with a list of undeniable advantages to watching the magic in three dimensions.

Laserface IN YOUR FACE!

Marmalard’s balls will float through the theater like the Red Balloon.

Shawne Merriman can eye-rape spectators from the sidelines.

LaDainian’s sullen expressions will be so much more textured.

see Norv Turner’s facial craters in THREE crystal clear dimensions!

Al Davis doesn’t show up in 3D… or am I thinking of mirrors?

Even in a 3D theater, you have to squint to see Darren Sproles.

3D glasses only slightly less gay than LT’s visor

Raiders in 3D: Still better than Captain EO!

Slightly more playoff implications than Spy Kids in 3D!

Raiders in 3D: denial, desperation, dementia.

And now, some photos of what you can expect if you’re lucky enough to be in the special audience…

The Good

The Bad

The Ugly

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