03.13.13 5 years ago 139 Comments

The Patriots lowballed their gritty little scrapper and now he has left for the slightly less off-puttingly white pastures of Denver, where he’ll become the new Brandon Stokley for Peyton Manning for the next two years, provided Pey-Pey’s neck doesn’t break and Welker stops dropping critical passes in the post-season. New England lost out to Welker on a two-year, $12 million offer from Elway and the Broncos. That’s it. When Belichick is done with you, he’s really done. A lesson many married women have come to know.

In other news, a great cry for Danny Amendola is rising among the people of EDELMAN NATION. “FACK THE TRAITAHH WELKAH, I KNEW HE WAS A SECRET DAHHKKIEEE AWL ALONG!”

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