Fawxboro Police Don’t Need A Fackin’ Reason To Arrest You, You Fack!

10.21.10 7 years ago 100 Comments

Reader Michael wants to know if there’s a good lawyer in the house. Why? Because he was arrested at a Patriots game for reasons that still escape him. Read on:

I was hoping you could lead me in the right direction. I was attending a Patriots game on Sunday and was placed in protective custody for over four hours and was not allowed to make a phone call.

During the second quarter, I left my seat carrying a beer in a coozy to go to the bathroom and get beer for myself and my brother in law. I went down, bought two beers, and went into the bathroom. When I came out of the bathroom 3 Foxborough police officers pulled me aside and asked why I had 3 beers. I said that I had been drinking one and bought 2 more and was going back to my seat. The officer then asked me to say the alphabet, which I did.

While reciting the alphabet, the officer stopped me, said that was enough, and told me to put my hands behind my back. I was then led to a holding cell and, when asked to make a phone call, told that the people I was with would know how to find me. I continually asked to be allowed to call someone from the group I was with, and was continually told that I was not being charged and could not make a call. At one point I asked the officers to charge me with something so that I could make the call, as I knew that my family would be worried about me. It was not until 4 hours later, when I was transported to Foxborough Police Department, that I was able to make a call. I was told that if the person that I was calling didn’t answer it would be an hour before I was given the chance to make another call.

I was never charged with anything. My problem is two fronts. One is that they would not let me make a call which in turn made 20 people attending the game search frantically for me (even ask officers who would not help). My wife at home with three kids thinking the worst and my mother getting sick with the notion that I was gone. The second front is the cause of the arrest. Yes I was drinking but I was not disorderly and did nothing wrong (hence the no charges).

I would love to just get a clear sense of if this is an acceptable practice by officers and where my rights end in this situation. It seems that police officers have uncontrollable power and as a citizen I have none. I would love to be able to sue the police and the New England Patriots for this action but I also understand this is probably a mountain no one would climb.

Thank you for any help


Oh, Michael. Don’t you worry. Suing the New England Patriots has been a lifelong dream of mine, dating all the way back to the landmark Massachusetts ruling of Fackin’ Yankees Queer-ah versus Shane Fackin’ O’MalleyfitzMacReilly of 1981. So if any of you KSK legal mavens out there want to work this case on a pro boner basis, you just let us know and we’ll give you Michael’s contact info. AWLL HE WAWNTED WAS A FACKIN’ BEE-YAH!!!!

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