Hard Knocks Stat of the Week: Rex curses on Hard Knocks I: 23. Rex curses on Hard Knocks II: 17 … F-bombs reduced from 10 to 2.
Aww, thanks for keeping tally, PK. We knew you were good for something.
Indeed, this episode was a little bit cleaner than the premiere. But that doesn’t mean it was devoid of hilarious moments. Far from it. Whether it was broke-ass Mark Brunell worrying about how his 23-year-old daughter has the hots for Mark Sanchez to Rex making this face when one of the coaches announced they were arrange a fight between Robert Turner and Vernon Gholston in practice to light a fire under Gholston’s worthless ass, there was plenty to work with.
These, however, were the five best in the episode:
5. Nacho estando Nacho
You might figure Bart Scott calling Sanchez “Nacho” in the first episode would be the extent of the overt Mexican stereotyping. Problem is, that fails to take into consideration just how much Sanchise likes to invite it on himself. For example, he wears a Taco Bell hat to meetings with coaches. In the preview of the next episode, teammates are forcing him to explain what Mexican food is.
4. The satisfaction of correct planning is most pleasing to Rex Ryan
Okay, LaDainian looks fine in training camp, but maybe it’s a little too early to feel that satisfied about the acquisition. Nevertheless, that’s an awfully impressive shit-eating grin, coach.
3. Bart Scott’s USC burn
A lot of this episode’s focus was on sniveling, soon-to-be cut running back bitch Joe McKnight, who spent nearly every moment he was on screen falling into the offensive line, getting made fun of or being chewed out by a coach. McKnight came from USC, thus giving fodder for Bart Scott to take a dig at the school’s recent NCAA compliance issues. Perhaps not the most original joke in the world, but it was a nice way of kicking the kid while he was down.
A salute, by the way, is due for Scott. If anyone other than Rex is able to carry a scene in this series, it’s him.
2. The Shake Weights
Punter Steve Weatherford for whatever reason felt he needed to spice things up at practice by having 100 Shake Weights (approximate retail cost: $2,000, plus shipping) delivered to the Jets facility. It’s a TBS Very Funny kind of gag, but if you weren’t brought to laughter by a bunch of NFL players using them (or Tomlinson gyrating his in his face) I don’t want to know you. Though that sense of humor might help to explain why they all went to see Dinner For Schmucks on their day off.
1. Cletus Cromartie’s Litter
Antonio Cromartie PRO TIP: If it takes more than 30 seconds to list all of your children, there’s a fair chance you’ve done some f*cking in your life. All of it unprotected.