Jeebus Retweeting Christ, if I ever manage to forgive ESPN for the thousands of other disgusting things they’ve done to sports, I’m not sure I’ll be able to get over the travishamockery this broadcast was tonight. From all the constant invoking of Favre’s Dead Dad game during what was him having to face TOTALLY UNFAIR criticism for alleged lewd acts to the constant apologizing that not at all subtly turned into straight up cheerleading later on when Favre wasn’t a complete joke in the 4th quarter. Gah GAAAAHHHH! It wouldn’t be so enraging if it wasn’t so predictable.
First half commentary distilled: OH GOD IS THE BRITTFAR ELBOW OKAY? I THINK HE’S REALLY STRUGGLING WITH THE ELBOW TONIGHT
Early third quarter blather: OH YEAH, THAT ELBOW IS GONNA BE A PROBLEM. WE KNOW SUZY ASKED CHILDRESS AND HE SAID IT WAS FINE. BUT WE’RE JUST GONNA KEEP BRINGING IT UP
[Brett Favre sets all-time record for most fumbles, only gets a minor footnote when he ties the record]
[Then God decides to hate us a little]
Oh, get the f*ck out of here with the goddamn birthday party bubble letter font on that shit. You might as well had the chyron shoot out of the ALLEGED picture of his cock.
WAIT BRETT DON’T LET THEM FORGET ABOUT YOUR ELBOW! IT’S SO YOU CAST YOUR MAGIC SPELLS OF BOYHOOD SANDLOTTERY
Yes, there’s a good attention whore. You just keep that thing cradled whenever you’re not banging it against a lineman’s helmet in celebration.
Did you hear Tirico go off when the Jets were passing right before the two-minute mark? You would have thought he was a dipshit sports radio caller. Yeah, it was most definitely poor clock management from Rex, did we hear anything that impassioned against Brett, like when he overthrew a wide-open-by-seven-yards Percy Harvin in the f*cking flat?
NO, YOU FOOL. NOT CRYING INTO BOTH HANDS! GET ONE BACK ON THAT ELBOW PRONTO! WE NEED A SCAPEGOAT!
Via reader Rafael: Here’s your real happy-clappy bubble letter festive f*cking touchdown, assholes.