This year’s Oscar field might be the worst ever. More like Extremely Lame & Incredibly F*cked, amiright? Even the years that crap movies like Crash or Dances with Wolves won, they beat out good competition. Do I care if someone upsets The Artist? Not particularly. The greatest drama of the night for me will be whether or not Macho Man makes the death reel. His turn as Bonesaw in Spiderman was truly life-changing.
That said, if we learned anything from the Grammys, it’s that the less consequential a major awards show is, the more entertaining it is to watch. Freed from caring about whether anything worthwhile might win (DRIVE FOR BEST ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND EDITING!!!!), the viewer can concentrate on the more pressing issue of self-satisfied gay Hollywood pinko liberal elite mockery. The best place to engage in such hate is, of course, FilmDrunk, where Vince Mancini and crew will guide you through an overlong broadcast with the necessary amount of booze, dick jokes and Nic Cage photoshops. So do yourself a favor and blow off your friend’s Oscar party for FilmDrunk’s night of demented anti-social lulz.