The football world is all atwitter with the burgeoning feud between Titans coach Jeff Fisher and his former Clipboard Assistant Billy Volek (wouldn’t people take him seriously if he were named William?) . After shipping him out of town Fisher took place in an impromptu interview with a small gathering of local media. Firstly, I’ve never heard a coach speak so frankly about a player before. This just confirms my theory that if players and coaches said what they truly thought of one another through the media we’d be laughing too hard to watch any actual football.
What’s important here is that Fisher claims that Volek lied to him (FOR SHAME!). Of course after spending 10 minutes ripping on Volek Fisher decided to clam up about the lie in question. Now we’ve learned that the mighty Chris Mortensen (FROM!: El Camino College?) knows a little secret. Yes, Mort knows full well of the lie in question but he (ESPN bosses) has decided to sit on his precious secret until he can unveil it to the world on NFL Countdown. Obviously we here at KSK don’t have the patience to twiddle our thumbs until then (fuckin’ ADD), instead we’ve decided to take an educated guess as to what could so offended the tenured coach. As always we welcome you, the loyal reader, to chime in with your own theories…no matter how homoerotic they may be.
1. Volek convinced Fisher that he was a viable starting quarterback.
2. Volek and Fisher were at the craps table in the offseason when the clipboard jockey decided to fuck with his coach. Fisher couldn’t see very well (what with the sunglasses and all) so he asked Volek to call out the numbers. After rolling a hard four the quarterback told Fisher that he’d actually rolled an easy eight, $100,000 later their relationship was no more.
3. Volek told the police that Fisher took liberties with a young fan and his Flat Stanley doll.
4. Volek convinced Fisher that a mustache could never make him look like a low-rent gay pornstar
5. Volek tricked Fisher into eating a bowl of chili made from the ground up remains of his parents making him cry like a little girl.
Now we look to you, the reader. If you think you can guess the lie feel free to take a shot. If you’re right you’ll always have something to put on your resume.
Update: We’re being told that Volek mixed lobster meat into Fisher’s scrambled eggs…I didn’t even know he was Jewish.