If this is indeed, as many are describing it, the best offseason ever, then why have we written so much about old cheerleaders? Even in the best of conditions you have to scrape the bottom of the barrel. The creaky, dry old barrel that reeks of fish. Anyway, 43-year-old Bengals cheerleader Laura Vikmanis has just released a memoir with the unnecessarily long title “It’s Not About the Pom-Poms: How a 40-Year-Old Mom Became the NFL’s Oldest Cheerleader — and Found Hope, Joy, and Inspiration Along the Way”. I’ll presume the first draft had “To Pacman Jones Blasting One Between My Eyes” attached on the end.
Luckily, the kind souls at the Cincinnati Enquirer went to the trouble to skim through all that tedious hope, joy and inspiration stuff and found us a nice sleaze nugget to chuckle over.
“The most prominent division on the Ben-Gals is not between the young girls and the older girls but between the Real Boobs and the Fake Boobs,” Vikmanis writes in her new book. “This is despite the fact that at any given time, a third of the Real Boobs are considering implants.”
Uh oh! There’s dissension afoot in the #TeamRealBoobs ranks. I assume Mike Brown doesn’t care either way so long as the women with fake boobs are paying for them on their own.