I Think I’ve Finally Found The Perfect Running Mate

08.22.08 9 years ago 30 Comments


Barry: This has been a long, difficult search. I needed someone with a real WOW factor. Someone tough on defense. Someone with Southern appeal. Someone that could win over white, working class voters. I didn’t think there was anyone out there that fit those criteria.

But then I found you.

This won’t be easy. But I think you’re up to the task.

Will you join my ticket? Can you help me reshape America?









































Jerry: YEEEEEHAWWW!!!! WOOOOHOOOO!!!!! YES I GODDAMN CAN! THANK GOD YOU DIDN’T PICK THAT LESBIAN BULL IN THE PANTSUIT! WHAT A COOZESLURPER THAT CHICK IS!

(fires sixty guns in the air)

Barry: Oh, dear.

Jerry: Don’t you worry, blackie. We’ll get along just swell. I’ll happily be your LBJay! JUST KEEP YOUR MITTS OUTTA MY GODDAMN POPCORN! That fat fuck Peter King licked the inside of my goddamn bucket!

Barry: Oh, I’m not one for popcorn. I prefer a good heirloom tomato.

Jerry: Sure you do, fella. SMOTHERED IN GRAVY WITH A BISCUIT AND SOME ORANGE SUNKIST I BET! WE’RE GONNA WIN THIS GODDAMN ELECTION! THEN I’M GONNA FUCK ME SOME DIPLOMAT PUSSY! IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, I’M GONNA BE LIVIN’ IN THE ANAL OBSERVATORY!

Barry: Maybe this was a bad idea.

Jerry: YEEHAW!!! WOO HOO! I AM FUCKING CRAZY!!!!

Around The Web