I’m that star up in the sky / I’m that mountain peak up high / Hey I made it / Mmm… / I’m the world’s greatest

12.29.06 11 years ago 16 Comments

The NFC East is the greatest division in all of sports. Yeah my Redskins suck and Dallas and Philly are both going to get killed in the playoffs but that doesn’t change shit in my mind. Of course that’s because the NFC East is home to best damn cheerleaders this side of Dillon High. Who cares if the Giants are too gay to field a squad of their own, the Iggles, Redskinettes, and Cowgirls might just be the three best representatives of tits and ass in the entire league.

So today I’ve decided to combine my love of the NFC East’s pant-tighteners with something everybody needs this time of year…CALENDARS! That’s right you drunks, assuming you just woke up this morning you should probably know it’s already the last week of December, if you don’t get that calendar now you’re gonna be really confused on Monday. Speaking of which, I hate the last week of December. The days jammed in between the Winter Solstice and New Years fucking suck and should be turned into a holiday for everybody to enjoy…I’m thinking All Taints Day.

So without further ado, lets look at some shimmery goodness!

Exhibit A- The Dallas Cowgirls

This is Becca, but you should already know that, she spends more time gracing this site than Footsteps Falco and Drew’s wife combined. Before you start calling dibs you should remember that she’s completely infatuated with our own Captain Caveman…at least that’s the word on the street over at Karmic Payback. Even though she’s not quite as thick in the britches as she once was, I’d say she could still hold up to a good bangin’. And really, what more can we ask of our cheerleaders?

Exhibit B- The Shiggles

This is Janipher (I’m guessing her parents were even bigger Donovan fans than mine) and she is fucking lovely. I had a few choices to go with on this one but Janipher just had to win out. Apparently I’m going through that “soaking wet young asian girl” phase…again (see below). The things I would do to this young lady are not appropriate for such a forum, just know that it would involve a kicking tee a tackling dummy and Wellington Mara’s corpse.

Exhibit B- My Redskinettes

This is Lisa…I will make her my wife. Yeah, Danny Snyder deserves most of the criticism he receives, but when it comes to the Redskinettes even the most jaded fan will give him two thumbs (and one other appendage) up. Of course he still worships one thing above all else and that’s revenue. For this reason we can’t actually see the inside of the calendar without actually spending 15 bucks (and no, you’ll need more than 15 to see Lisa’s insides…trust me).

Bonus Exhibit- The Giant Lesbians

This is Kate Mara, her grandfather died because he saw her munching some serious luxury box on TV. Leave it to those pigfucking Jersey bitches masquerading as New Yorkers to fuck up one of the NFL fan’s unalienable rights, the ability to eyefuck future call girls. Well just because they don’t put on a show on the sidelines doesn’t mean there’s nothing worthwhile going on behind the scenes. Of course I’m referring to Wellington’s piece-of-ass granddaughter and her onscreen exploits. Here she is dressed in traditional cheerleader atire engaging in what I can only imagine is traditional cheerleader behavior.

Have a good New Year you lecherous fuckers/gorgeous female readers.

Around The Web