Is this game still going on? How many interceptions do I have to throw before Coach pulls me? I’m just so tired of being abused. I don’t want to get hit any more.
Fuck, what was that guy’s name again? I need to be more careful. Did he even wear a condom? Oh man I hope he calls.
I’ve thrown six picks and zero touchdowns in two games — well, one touchdown if you count the pick-six to Chris McAlister. I have led my team to three points in two games. Three points! What does it take to get fired around here? I feel like Matt Millen.
Maybe I need another tattoo. If I get a butterfly on my lower back, that’s not gay, is it? Who doesn’t like butterflies?